Ignorance about Me

Let us look at some of the  desires in life  . If we ask any human being of what she wants in life , here are the typical responses.

I want Money
I want Security in Life
I want my near and dear ones safe ,healthy and well doing
I want to be free of any diseases and pains and be healthy
etc etc.

You might say these are some thoughts . Thoughts are just verbalization in some language.
A languages is one which attaches meaning to words. Words are just symbols which stand for something "out there". So what we want to know is this. What do these word symbols really stand for?.
Now  look at this closely. There are three parts to this equation. Let us start from the end and go to the start. Last  part signifies things that we  know. Money is known to us . Security is known to us. Health is known to us. At least we agree to some common definition to all these terms. Now comes the middle portion . It all contains "want". This also we can agree to some extent. Want means that once we have something we feel better than what we feel now. So it signifies our adequacy. If the right side of want is obtained somehow, it is better than what it is now. So want is the thing which pushes us towards the items. It is an urge let us say. Now comes the first part of the equation. It says "I". You can see that even though there are many objects that we want the I is only one. So it is something to whom these objects need to be attached. So now ask yourself " Who is this I".
Where can i find the "I" , so that we would be sure that the mysterious entity would feel fulfilled.

This is the most important part which needs to be understood. You can see that the I cannot be located anywhere, like money or some such object. This is an imaginary conversation between Rama and Sita on the subject .

Rama :   Who is this I that is wanting ?.If you agree that the above desires are just a sequence of thoughts in your mind, you have to admit that  the I is the entity that has conjured up these thoughts. Now who is that ?. How do these thoughts come to your mind?. What is the source ?.
Sita : Oh i just thought about them. I don't see any problems with that . Whenever i want i can think and on any subject i wish.
Rama: So you think there is an I which is producing these thoughts in your mind.
Sita :  Yes. It is me .
Rama: Now please answer this. How do you influence it,? Obviously you cannot open your mind and insert a thought there. Or to put it in neuro-scientific terms, you cannot wire up a neural network by opening your  brain. A thought could be a pattern in your brain. You cannot create it physically.
Sita : Why do you complicate these things.? I can use my will power to think a particular thought or a set of thoughts.
Rama: No i am just trying to locate where this "I" is located. Now you told me about will power. Can you use your will power to empty your mind of all thoughts. If you think you can produce thoughts , you must be able to kill them also at will . eh?
Sita : No. I cannot do that . I cannot even a kill a single thought. Thoughts are there irrespective of whether i want them or not. hmm. I am beginning to see what you are hinting. I seem to have a sense of "I". But the more deeply i look , the more illusory it seems. It is not a single definable thing like an object. It is more like the thoughts are coming and going on their own. Only thing is in my wake state i become conscious of the thoughts in my mind. This becoming conscious of my own thoughts is what gives me the feeling that i am the person who is thinking.
Rama: Yes. You are aware of your own thoughts in your mind. When you become aware of your own thoughts , you think you are producing them at your will. You dont actually produce them at your so called will. So now you agree , that the sense of "I" producing your own thoughts is not  what reality is . Right ?.
Sita : Yes. But then the desires that I have are also something that just appears in my mind, and since I  become aware of them, i think i have these desires. Is that what it is ?.
Rama: Yes . We never questioned that before . We take it for granted. All you really have is your awareness. The other things that you seem to have like thoughts needs wants etc are just arising in the awareness. This is why even if you have these objects , you are not satisfied. New thoughts would come without your permission and you would run behind them.
Sita : I do have a question here. So why do i seem to have these specific desires. Someone else has a new set of desires.
Rama: Yes. It is true. The conditioning that you receive in life , the learning that you have , the belief system all contribute to your vasanas or tendencies . It is from all these that these thoughts are coming. However the point to understand is that it is not determined precisely by you. It just happens. So why do you worry when something doesn't happen the way you supposedly want. Just as you now understood that the thoughts are not explicitly defined by you, the outcomes are also not precisely defined by you. It is only your sense of falsely believing that you are willfully desiring them that has created the sense of unhappiness when something doesn't work the way you want. You think "you are thinker , you are the doer, you are the enjoyer". What i am telling you is nothing is predetermined. Abandon this notion.
Sita : Now if that is the case what is the point in life?. Should i just stop doing everything and leave everything to destiny.
Rama:  I never said that. What i asked you was to find out first who is the entity that is desiring . Reflecting on that , would make you understand that what mind tells you about success and failure are all wrong. If you are not tied to this feeling then your actions would become more pure. You do with proper understanding. Results don't make you sad. You learn to live appreciating everything . On the other hand if you have the notion that I am thinking and having these desires , you have a sense of doership in your actions. When you have a sense of doership the results affect you , because it is You that did something. When you abandon your doership , you begin to see the grand scheme of things .
Sita : I think we started with asking the question who is the I to whom the thoughts are coming. You pointed out that there is no I that it pertains to because thoughts are happenings  in consciousness. And there is no author who produces them in the real sense . Now if that is the case is there no I at all?.
Rama: Good question. You remarked that you are becoming aware of your thoughts . Now ask yourself whether this is dependent on any happenings in your mind. Does your awareness happen under any specific circumstance?. Or it is there always ?.
Sita : No it is there always . So even though my mind , my thoughts, emotions feelings, sensations are happenings depending on various factors in the universe , this awareness through which i know them all is always there irrespective of any conditions. Even the results of my actions are becoming aware to me. So awareness is the real sense of I . It seems to be more solid than the illusory I who is the producer of thoughts in my mind.
Rama: Now you are talking. Now ask yourself this question. Does this "I " really want anything?. Your awareness is just that . It becomes conscious of everything . It doesn't really want anything in particular. So isn't it wrong to say that you have wants in life?. Instead of this, ease into your awareness.
Sita : I get your point. So instead of worrying about me having desires etc , i should think whatever i need to do , i should do and appreciate the results with equal gratitude because except for my awareness everything seems to happen on their own and there is nothing such as good or bad intrinsically.

This imaginary conversation just brings up the false beliefs and notions we have about our own life. It all stems from not properly understanding "Who I am" . If we accept this primal ignorance , our life would make more sense and we can move towards our real self . 

End of seeking

Every experience comes and goes. All through our life we go through so many experiences. Have you ever wondered what is common to all of them?. If you look at what is varying you can see lot. Some experiences are painful, some are wonderful, some are deeply disturbing , some encouraging. Our childhood , our games, our studies , our successes, our failures, many roles , so many vast range of experiences. Each involves so many players. Some of them we remember for ever and gives us a nice tingling sensation. Some fond memories. But what is common to all?.

The first feeling we get about the commonality is the sense of  "I". It is the same I who has gone through all of these experiences whatever they are. Now who is this "I". Is it my body ? Is it my mind ?. We can see that neither satisfies us enough. The mind of today is not the same it was yesterday. The body has gone from childhood to youth to old age. So it is not the same. So the sense of I seems to puzzle us. If we accept that it is our body mind system, we will have to accept that it is not the same I that was there before. It is an "I" that is always changing. Cells die , thoughts come and go . So it is not the same . So who is this "I"?. If we accept it is an ever changing "I" it is not common to all our experiences. Just as the experiences have come and gone, this I has also come and gone. So perhaps nothing is permanent. Even this I is not permanent. At least we need to accept that this sense of "I" is not the common factor of all experiences in our life. A childhood body-mind is not possessed now. So that I is now the same as I that is there now. It is  a different I that  we are experiencing now.

When we analyze further , we do see something that is permanent and common to all our experience. That is the awareness. Now we ask ourselves . Is this awareness changing in all these experiences. You can see that it is not. The presence of awareness never changes . Whatever awareness you had when you were a child is the same that you have now. It is through which you know the body , the mind the thoughts emotions feelings anything. All experiences rise in this awareness. And yet it is not disturbed or changed by them. Come rain or shine the awareness is the same. It has neither gender nor any emotions or feelings. It is indeed the same all through our life. So the commonality of all experiences is the presence of awareness. Many roles have come and gone but awareness never assumes any of them. It just watches them. How did we neglect it ?. What happened to the poor awareness?. It has always been with us never changing never leaving us , and yet we neglected it for the sake of something that was changing and affecting us all the time.

This simple fact that awareness is the commonality and non changing aspect of all experience is enough to liberate us. It is what should have been called the "I". When i see it, i immediately see how all experiences have not affected me. All of them are just arising in me . I never change . By being myself , i can be liberated from all. What a delusion it all was?. Just by understanding who i really am is the only knowledge that is required.

What am i searching for?. What am I seeking in life?. What treasures and riches await me?. Where is the illusory happiness that i long for?. No experience can give me lasting happiness. No wealth can give me enough of riches. All looks promising only when  i have a delusion. When i had this truly permanent bliss why did i run around? . It is from me that all happiness was felt temporarily . Happiness didn't come from outside .

No treasure is more worthy than this . No fact is more precious than this. All things come and go and leave me sad. People leave me for their own good and i felt sad. But when i understood that i am in company of the reality itself , should i worry anymore?. It is the end of all seeking.

Incidents affected me . I seemed to like some and  dislike some. Some people gave me happiness , but most unhappiness. It was all a delusion.  How can i affected by all these?. I now hate neither happiness nor unhappiness. I am only the witness of all happenings. Sorrows come and go . Pleasure come and go. I remain the same always blissful and peaceful. I require nothing .I long for nothing. I know that all these are only temporary. All through my life i have seen so many of them. None of the so called experiences have remained with me. Only i have remained as i am always.

Even in my spiritual life i have been searching for the truth. I searched temples, churches mosques, prayers ceremonies and so on. All changed from time to time. I never understood what to believe and what to trust. Is reality just a name and form?. Every name and form is temporary. It is limited in space and time. How can the absolute be captured in a simple name and form. Is it not a wonderful delusion to think so?. Why should i surrender to an unreal thing? . Is my self the same as the undivided existence awareness inherent in all ?. If so why did i search for anything else?. By finding me havent i found all of the absolute ?. Is it not the eternal truth underlying all phenomenon?

Birth and death , all are just happenings in me. I am always there existing in all as pure awareness. My body goes , my mind changes but the real me ,the pure awareness is eternal. What is there to be sad about?. What is there to long for?. No fear can touch me. Fear is only for one who dislikes change. Anxiety is only for those who anticipate change.

In this moment of revelation i awaken to the pure reality as though from a dream. I watch and admire the beauty of all. I  live in meditation absorbing the unity of all .

Sufferings in Life

mathrasparshasthu kauntheya sheethoshnasukhadukhada:
aagamapayino:nithiasthamsthithikshaswa bharatha

                                                                                   Gita Chapter 2 verse 14

(Cold, heat, pleasure and pain happen by the contact of sense organs with their objects. They come and go. They are temporary. Knowing this, you endure them.)

At some point in life we all suffer. However rich we may be , however healthy we may be, we all suffer . This is  a fact of life. Pain is sometimes physical, sometimes mental , sometimes both together. But how we deal with it is what makes or breaks us. If we live in our usual separate self or ego filled one, we suffer on many accounts. Physical pain is aggravated by the mental ones. Mental pain is sympathized by the body and so on. What we need to understand is that the it  is  a holistic system. One cannot exist without the other. Spiritual awakening can give us this unified feeling which will help alleviate our tensions and pains . In fact it is the only way to integrate our being.

To have this notion that all thoughts, emotions , sensations are in arising in awareness is not an easy thing at all. Years of conditioning has led us to treat our body-mind complex to be the sense of I. So we would need lot of spiritual sadana to overcome this feeling and rest in our awareness. Usually it takes years of spiritual conditioning to unlearn  and un-condition . But you can start the process anytime. The pain or sorrow is an arising in our awareness. A completely aware person would still feel the pain and any misery in him. However there is a sense of detachment towards it. So what happens is , the mental aggravation would stop. He knows whatever is his true being is not affected by these transient things.The mind will not be able to tell you new stories about the pain. The physical pain is not something that can be relieved. It is a defense mechanism of the body to sustain itself. But when our inner being sees it arising in us , we sort of internally sort it out.

Nisargadatta Maharaj  was dying of cancer. But he had satsangs till latter part of his life . Ramana Maharshi used to see people even when he was not well and he asked his devotees not to avoid anyone whatever be his condition. These are great sages of course who had transcended their body to become an ethereal presence. But it shows what spiritual life can do.

When a pain or suffering arises in us, there are two aspects that need to be understood. One is the immediacy of it. It is something we need to attend to. We need to attend to what is causing the issue by taking appropriate medicines or whatever is required. But there is another subtler aspect to it. When a pain or suffering comes, the mind pulls our attention to it all the time. When our attention is drawn towards it, the pain appears more. When our attention is drawn toward a misery that we think it becomes more.  So any physical or mental suffering is aggravated by the attention to it. So what we can do is once we are sure , the immediacy has been attended to by taking medicines or anything , then try to divert our attention away from it. This can be done by say imagining ourselves to be in a beautiful dream whereby there is peace all around , birds singing , rivers flowing etc.  Think of how quickly the pain is going to be over , and we are going to be free from it. Imagine yourself in a pain free state . Fill yourself with positivity . This requires some repeated effort. But if you start to believe in that, the pain or suffering would be reduced a lot.

 The ego through years of conditioning has created layers and layers of suffering in us. Even small things are aggravated. But it is not easy to overcome them . The distance between our true self and ego need to increase to a point where the ego is no longer able to exercise its influence on us. One more point to note is that the ego just loves these sufferings. This is because it can create lot of thoughts  pertaining to it. It can keep you really busy with thoughts. What happens during our spiritual conditioning is that even though the sensation of pain etc is there, the ego's influence on unnecessary thought patterns can be minimized.

Another very important point you would notice is that when you have some suffering , old problems and miseries which have long been forgotten might also resurface. This is again a trick to make you more engaged. If you are cautious of them , just devalue those thoughts now.
The idea is this. When you have physical pain rest your mind. When you have mental suffering rest your body. Except for the immediacy of the issue, try to disregard all others.

Once Ramana Maharshi was asked about pain and suffering. He said that pain is a result of our body consciousness. In deep sleep , where does the pain go?. If the pain was a real one, it should be there as well. Since in deep sleep there is no body consciousness we dont feel it. The pain is still there, but there is nobody to take responsibility of it. Also if somebody we like, walks in , even when we have pain we feel a little better. While if someone we don't like comes in we feel more pain. So we can see that the ego has a crucial role to play. Ramana Maharshi said " Manonasa is the only way to alleviate pain". But as i said earlier, it is not easy for ordinary mortals. Surrender completely to your true nature.
Another neglected part of pain is that we have a sense of  running away from it . As a result of this escape thought, there comes a resistance towards it. This also increases the agony. We might think of course who wants pain to be there?. Yes it is true, But it should be not by escaping from it, but by increasing our tolerance towards it. Acceptance that the current situation entails pain is the way. The moment we ease into the current situation , pain is alleviated a bit. Tolerance can only be achieved by being aware of the pain as though it is not our body.

The upshot of all this is simple. We need to change our perspective about pain a bit. From the fact that " I am pain"., we should move towards the fact that " I am experiencing the sensations of pain" to finally "I am that which is witnessing the pain in the body". In neuroscience there is  a term often used with pain and it is called the "Pain trap". When the brain senses pain sensations it constricts our cognition levels and avoid all thinking , rationality etc which makes us more attentive about pain and so on. This pain trap is a survival mechanism to make sure that we attend to the cause of the pain. However it is over exaggerated and this is the result of many traumatic conditions. Even when the pain is not big we get stuck in the trap. Soldiers who return from a war often experience this post traumatic stress. It is interesting that even in such a condition the sense of detachment helps us to alleviate the sufferings a lot.

Mirror of reality

The original light is one, and is revealed in the many.                                                                                  -- Nathalie Delay in" Light behind objects"

A wise man lives like a mirror. What are the special features of a mirror?. It reflects whatever is in front without any staining. When the object goes away, it remains a mirror. It doesn't start crying. It is not broken to pieces when the object is no longer there. There are no attachments towards objects. When there is an object in front of it , it doesn't think of the various objects it reflected in the past. The one and only reality is in front of it . It never worries about the future objects also. When there is nothing , it loves the emptiness too. It stays as it is.

If our mind should be free of the objects , we should be aware of them. If we are unconscious of what happens then attachment happens without our knowing. That is the key. Our mind is always drawn towards objects . Material things , thoughts emotions are all attraction points. It craves for them. It become stained with the impressions of them. An aware person would notice these happenings. His noticing or witnessing is enough to understand the clinging. Reality in its purest form is never affected by anything. Just like that, your awareness is also like a mirror reflecting everything and never being affected by them. Since you are the awareness why do you worry?. Realise you are the mirror called awareness and become free.

Osho used to tell about a story about Tagore. He was a great poet but was not a realized person. One old man in his neighborhood used to ask him " Have you known god. How can i respect you if you have not?". Tagore used to get uneasy at this old man. Why is this fellow torturing me like this. Tagore used to avoid this old man. Suddenly one evening when it was raining slightly Tagore went for a walk. He saw little poodles of water . Some were dirty water , some were good. Sunlight was falling on all. Suddenly he realized. Sunlight is pure , it is not tainted with any of these water poodles. It is always pure. He realized Sunlight is the reality. It doesn't depend on anything . It is always the same. In each and every water body it is present  in its purest form. Just like that existence-awareness is present in all beings and objects . How can some be more and some be less?. Only the adjuncts change, the underlying thing is always the same. Once he sees sunlight he doesnt worry about all the different things like water poodles. Sunlight is neither attached nor detached from anything.

 He became realized with this single insight. He was jumping up and down when he returned home. The old man saw him and said " Now i know what you are feeling. I will respect you as a Mahatma". Only the old man understood what the ecstasy was all about. A great man like Tagore required very little to become realized.

When there is unity there is no need for any special thing. A mother sees all her children as part of her own being. How can she be attached to any particular child. All are part of her. Just like that see all objects as part of your being. So absence or presence of them doesn't make you smaller or greater.Freedom is not in running away , but in embracing all with the same love, becoming a mirror of what is rather than what should be .

Raga and Dvesha

dharmādharmau sukhaṁ duḥkhaṁ mānasāni na te vibho
 na kartāsi na bhoktāsi mukta evāsi sarvadā

(Righteousness and unrighteousness, pleasure and pain are purely of the mind and are no concern of yours. You are neither the doer nor the reaper of the consequences, so you are always free. )
                                                                                    Ashtvakra gita


Our life is full of experiences. Some of them give pain. Some of us remind us of pleasure and happiness. Sometimes a mixture of both. These experiences are ingrained in our subconscious mind as vasanas. When a new situation is encountered , these vasanas drive us towards experiences which we liked in the past while driving us away from painful ones. These attachments and aversions are a result of avidya . It comes from not realizing the underlying unity of all things. Little do we realize the impact of this in our life. It splits our world into two. A world we like versus a world we dislike. We take equal effort to embrace one while avoiding the other. A like and dislike imparts lot of thought patterns in us. A like when carried out to its full extent creates attachments and desires. A dislike is a like in disguise and  it is a like of anything other than the disliked ones. Both carry an emotional burden.

Renunciation is often difficult because of this dichotomy of our world. Our mental inclination towards anything always drives our thoughts. Spiritual purification is the only way we can transcend our vasanas. What should be understood is that  both situations are equally probable in this universe. Whatever we dont like is not a conspiracy against us. It is something that happens when you consider the infinitude of permutations and combinations possible. Some results are favorable while some are not. We should learn to accept both like the result of a lottery ticket. We accept both result with equanimity. Even our dislikes are something part of the unity. So it should be accepted , loved and embraced.

As we learn to sit in meditation we become familiar with the thought system that makes our world of likes and dislikes. Whatever we "like" repeatedly appears in our mind , and engages us all the time. Whatever we dislike creates sorrows and pain in us and they create lot of thoughts too. So both likes and dislikes are equally bad. They both create a cluttered mind.

A like is often a recognition of accepting the fact that something when attached to me, creates a more complete being. It comes from a incomplete understanding of the situation . Money, power , job security ,etc etc are simple examples. But take anything that you like , what you really want is a situation whereby something is attached to you. Even if you say that all  i want is the happiness of my child ,, what you are saying is i want the thought of well being of my child attached to me. You strongly believe that you are not complete without that thought. There is no problem in working towards that goal . But it is the strong mental clinging that  i want that feeling as part of me that creates the like. If we work towards the target without the mental clinging then there are no disappointments. You accept the result whatever it is with equanimity.

A dislike is often worse than a like . It is the root of all negative feelings like anger , hatred, fear , anxiety etc. We have created an idealistic world of our own reality . Whatever that doesn't correspond to it , is something that needs to be disliked and averted.  When we cant do that we become angry. An anger is an expression where the dislike has exceeded the threshold. In an outburst we express our dislike. When this anger is suppressed , it becomes hatred. It is also the trigger for pain and fear. An imagined dislike is fear. Contemplating about it we get anxiety.

A proper perspective is to transcend both likes and dislike and to have neither. It should fall of our mind. Understand yourself deeply and intimately. Then only you can transcend both. Let the vasanas be purified by spiritual thinking , and noble feelings like love , forgiveness and contentment. Practice meditation to become aware of your unconscious and subconscious likes and dislikes. Our happiness doesnt lie in these . It only when comes when we realize our true nature of abiding in the self. When we do ,the whole world appears in you. How do the likes and dislike trouble you when there is nothing apart from you. All the mind's chatter is just that. It is not you.

Raga is killed by vairagya . Dwesha is killed by cosmic love and expansivity. Both are aspects of spirituality. When there is a sense of unity you are not attached to any particular thing. For you everything is the same and part of you. Reject nothing and accept everything. 

Karma with gratitude

kurvanneveha karmani jijivisecchatam samah |
evam tvayi nanyatheto'sti na karma lipyate nare  2 
                                                                                     Isavasya Upanishad

For most of us, life is a very serious affair. Each and every incident affects us so much that its impact is felt all the time. The reason is very clear. We do actions in our life as though we are the doers. So the actions are merged in our identity. I did this. I did that . This goes on. Since you do, you have to suffer. The results of any action is not pre determined. It is determined based  on many conditions. There are lot of unexpected things that can happen. And yet we continue to expect. Knowingly , unknowingly. The sufferings are imbibed in our memory. If we ask anyone they would tell all the miseries in their life.
The path of karma is known to all but never practiced. Never taint yourself with the clinging. When you go to a coal cellar, however careful you are you would come with some coal in your body. Some dust just taints your face or somewhere. But consider if you can come without even a smearing of coal dust. That is how it should be when you do actions. Never cling to the actions mentally. This is what the upanishad says " na lipyate nare".   How can we do this ?, There are two ways of doing things in life. One is acting and the second is doing. If you do things you are clinging to the actions , if you act out your part nothing hurts you. So each and every action that you do should be like a scene enacted . Act as though you are doing . Intenally understand that this is just an acting . You don't have to abandon objects, but you should mentally detach from them. Existence is the doer, you are only its instrument. As the gita says nimitta-matram bhava

How many of us are content with what we have?. How many of us look back and say i must be so grateful. There are no words required. But the contentment feeling is enough. You don't have to say it to anybody even to yourself. But contentment is something that can alleviate our sorrows. Each and every day we get up in the morning , look in the mirror and thank existence. Meditate on positive feelings that have come to you. Never feel anything other than gratitude. Your existence itself is a big gift. Forget about all the rest.

Everyday be with yourself for a while. Understand your inner world of thoughts emotions and feelings. See what are the greatest attachments . Learn to be with yourself and sink into your being.
Meditation is a habit. This is the reason why Buddhism practices meditation a lot. It purifies your mind, makes your inner world known to you and helps to be with your being. One of the buddhist meditation is called Metta Bhavana( Loving Kindness)  . It is a simple meditation which anybody can do. What you do is to just sit and say to yourself  " I am calm and may i be happy" . If you go on repeating this simple thought in your mind , it is a soothing feeling. After some time your mind starts believing it.  This is something you can do even without sitting in meditation. Whenever you get time say this in your mind feeling for it.

Man is like water . He can assume any shape . It depends on what vessel you are in. The conditioning is what makes us. There is no such thing as inherent nature. Conditioning can change any native tendencies. 

Glory of the moment

If you take any spiritual teaching it seems to give us certain important tips on how to carry out our life irrespective of whether we are philosophical or not. One of the most common tip is this " Live in the moment".  What exactly does this mean?. If we look at our life, we only exist in the moment. So what is so great about living in the moment?. Whatever we do , whatever we experience is all part of now. The past has already died. The future is yet to be. All that is there is this present moment. So even if i wanted to  come out of now, i cannot. In this context it is difficult to understand what the advice means to "Live in the moment".

Here comes the important point. It is our attention that is not in the moment. If we look at our thinking process , you can see that it is only a fraction in the moment. It is always drawn away from the moment. So the advice really asks us to disregard all those wavering and attend to the moment. People who have meditated have seen this. The moment we start meditating and start observing our thoughts, we seldom see any thought related to the current moment of meditation. It is always about things we need to do, or a thing that happened today before i started meditating etc or a current worry that is engrossing us etc. So as the thoughts settled down and we reach a sort of calmness we begin to notice our own awareness manifesting as perfect bliss and it becomes the moment and nothing else. This state where our true being is manifested is one  in which we can see only the moment.

Why is that our true being or self is in the moment and our mind is not?. The mind does not have a permanent beingness. It is always changing like the flames of the fire. Whatever it sees it catches hold of and moves in that direction. A moment is just there a stationary thing. How can the mind catch hold of a stationary thing when it is changing all the time. So it would not do so. If we take our true self or pure presence you can see that all that it knows of is this moment. Because you are only present in this moment. So the natural state of true self is to be in the moment. The attention would be to rest in the moment.

Does this advice really mean to abandon all experience about the past and do nothing about the future?. No. It is just a perspective shift which lightens us. The mind has lot of blah blah thoughts that are all about imaginary concepts about past and future which has the effect of creating fear anxiety , sorrow etc. By realizing our true nature , we become aware of such thoughts going in the mind. Since we are not in the realm of mind, we can easily see this happening. We are looking down on the mind by being present. If on the other hand we are a slave of the mind, we fail to see this deceit. So you can again see our attention is mostly in the moment, while taking into account whatever things that can be done factually about the future attended to now. Note that we cannot do much about the future anyway , but certain things can be done about it . Be being in the moment , we concentrate on what can be done now rather than being drawn to imaginary fears and projections. For e.g. if you are preparing for an exam, you need to study now. So it is not that you are unconcerned about exam, but you dont worry about whether you would fail or not or some such stories, but whatever studies have to be done now needs to be done.  If nothing needs to be done now, we don't attend to the exam thought .  So you can see how attending to the moment have made us efficient and removed our fears also. Suppose someone is coming home next week and you dont like him. So any worries about it in the present moment is a waste of time because thinking about it now doesnt make the situation go away and in fact the only impact it would have is to create disturbance in your mind. So better to leave such thoughts for now.

How to cultivate this on a regular basis?. You need to go back to your true nature of the self to become aware of the mind all the time. Meditation can help a lot . You should learn to always be aware of your mind and look down on it rather than be in it.

Many spiritual teachers point out that our mind is constantly engaged in imagined needs. What are imagined needs?. You are not content with the state of affairs currently , and you want them to be something else. For e.g. someone is behaving in a certain way, but you want it to be something else. This is not an actual need. It is a projection by the mind and you can see that it is a major concern for most of us in our life. Most of the time your mind would go on interpreting actual situations based on these imagined need. This draws our attention away from the current moment. We may fail to even notice what we are eating and what scenery that is currently in front of us. So it is all a question of attention. If we really thought about it , we would immediately say , what can i do about it in this moment ?. You cannot. You cannot work towards an imaginary need. It is mostly not in your hands. So if it is not in your hands, you cannot do anything about it now. You are thinking for the sake of thinking. Always ask yourself , can i do anything about it now. If so it would attend to that. Otherwise just skip it.

If you have noticed how the mind works when you are really tense about something. You would notice one thing. There is only a worry which is engulfing your mind and you are attending to the story by the mind engrossed in it. So what happens you fail to notice any other thing around you. This is a restriction of consciousness. It is not relaxing when you are hard concentrating on a single thing. The natural state of consciousness is always not to be aware of any particular thing. It is the relaxed state. When you are in the moment , you are aware of all of the glory of the  moment fully conscious of everything rather than a particular thing.

When you are just aware of all around you and you exist in the moment in your awareness , you are more awake. Most of us are not fully awake. Our thoughts are out of sync with the world. They go on their stories about past and future like dreams. This is why our natural state is called an awakened state.

“Are you a God?” they asked the Buddha. “No,” he replied.
Are you an angel, then?” “No.”
“A saint?” “No.”
“Then what are you?”
Replied the Buddha, “I am awake.”

Houston Smith
This moment is always glorious. It is full of things that we have  It is not something based on certain conditions fulfilled. It is for us for the taking. Unlimited existence is the most glorious thing.

Meditation

"yogaś citta vṛtti nirodhaḥ"
     Patanjali yoga sutra 1.2

Ultimately Meditation is not a verb. It is a noun. It is the state of being. We are already that state. However our mind clouds it from being experienced. So if it treated as a verb or action then once the action stops we would go back to the clouding. So that is why it should be permanent state.
When we think, we are not what we are. When we meditate we realize what we are. So meditation is a discovery of truth. It doesn't create anything new , but it establishes what is.

What we see as meditation everywhere is a discipline.A discipline is a verb. So many people mistake that the act of it is what meditation is. For e.g. when we ask someone what is meditation ?. She would reply " It is one in which we sit in a straight pose and close our eyes and observe our own mind". This is the discipline. This should not be confused with the state of being.There are many disciplines which all call the action meditation. The reason why this is not what meditation is the understanding that even people who dont sit and meditate are meditating. When you experience your true being you are meditating.

Initially meditation is a state which is experienced by an action. We condition ourselves to create favorable situation for the state of being to be realized. Later on it doesn't require any particular action. It just becomes your state. The idea of any meditation is still your activities so that your true nature is revealed. Activities include your sensory perception, your thoughts, emotions, feelings sensations etc.All these are movement. All moments needs to cease. So it is a kind of undoing, not doing. If mind's doing is thinking , we try to undo that. If indriyas perceive the outside world, we undo that. So a total undoing of all activities is what it is.

Meditation is all about silence. Silence in the complete sense of the word. Mind is all about verbalization and body is all about doing acts. Unless these stop, silence wont be experienced. An outwardly silent person may be fuming inside , so the noise is not outside. It is inside. In fact the inward noise is more potent than the outward sounds. Meditation is the only state where the inner most silence becomes true.

Meditation is witnessing without disturbing. After some time you become the witness. So even though you start of with the action of witnessing, later on you merge with that and become indistinguishable from the witness. There is a miracle in watching. watching never is invasive. At the same time, the very fact that it is being watched makes the watched different. When there is a supervisor the worker behaves well.

It is also important to understand what meditation is not. It is not concentration. Concentration is a mental exercise where the mind is asked to focus on a single entity and drop all other thoughts.
Meditation is actually awareness about all, a loose form of concentration. That is why it should be effortless. You are aware of all happenings in a relaxed way. You don't put any effort to strain your mind. If you strain, the mind will come back with a vengeance.

The fact that, it is not concentration shows that meditation is relaxation in a playful way. You should not consider it as an exercise that you have to do every day. It should be treated much like listening to music.A state which you enjoy. An undoing of all particularities. It is supreme rest even better than hours of sleep. It is enjoyment supreme. The body obeys the mind in deep relaxation.

The very principle of meditation is this. When you completely undo your actions,you become centered. The doing stops and undoing begins. When you become conscious in the most expansive way , you become oblivious of any particular thing. Energy is spread out instead of concentrated.

Reality of Experience

        The fact is the world exists;
        The Truth is it does not.
        One lies in the realm of mind,
        the other in the pure experience of Self. (Jones 31)

        
One of the core idea behind studying philosophy is to find what is permanent and what is temporary. This distinction is one which liberates us. Objects are all temporary while the subject or the real knower or witness is always permanent. That is the single most deep understanding. The tragic thing is that the temporary looks like a fact . It is like a magic show. When you are immersed in a magic show, you feel that the illusion created is a fact. You do perceive it , you experience it , and you are convinced. Yet something tells you , that there is an explanation of the reality of the situation. What happens when we don't doubt that there is an explanation to the magic?. We believe in it and it becomes a miracle. However we all know nature doesn't allow any exceptions to her laws. This conviction is enough to evict us from the moha of the situation.

The  sages found that if we believe in delusion and strongly start living by it , our life is always a struggle to make sense of the maze. It is understandable. When we are in a boat and want to cross, we would be safe only if the boat is not shaking and is balanced. If the foundations are shaky we would be in trouble. A delusion and truth can never coexist. Unfortunately the truth is always non obvious.

If we truly understand that the world or the witnessed is a moha or delusion and only the witness is the truth , why do we give so much importance to the events in life?. Each and every experience creates such a lasting impression in us. Later on these influence our vritti or thoughts. The purity of existence is to live without creating any impressions in us. Lighter we are , the lesser the impressions in our mind. Each ego filled experience creates lasting impressions in your subconscious.

Let us take an example. Suppose somebody is angry at you. He is animated and is telling about you in sharp words and is continuing the act.
This is not an separate experience. There are many levels to this incident. When you are analyzing this in your mind without the sense of the witness or real self, you see only thoughts , emotions etc and all of them are identified with you. This is the egoistic interpretation of the incident. This feels very strongly in you. This has not only created lot of anger, frustration and sadness . It also creates a lot of residual set of subconscious samskara in you. Later on in a similar situation a thought might arise in you without your conscious knowledge and you might get angry at your child  with no reason. So you can see the impact of your thought process is not only now. It has a lasting impression in you.

From a real self point of view, you are just a witness to this experience. The thoughts and emotion in your mind are just happening in you which are much like a sweat happening or some such event.   I know i am not the mind, so the emotion is not me. What happens , there is no residual thought that comes up to counter the anger , it is just seen as a temporary phenomenon in the universe which you just witness. It comes and goes. You have watched it go like the passing of the wind in the garden. Maybe your clothes are a bit ruffled by the wind. But you know the cloth that you wear are not you. So you smile at the event. There are no impressions in your mind. You just witness it and understand that it is not something pertaining to the permanent reality. Witnessing is the true sense of detachment. A witness never is perturbed by it because he knows he is not the sufferer.

A second level of understanding is this. There is only one reality. What you see as another person is just a delusion. The other person looks like a different one only from the ego perspective. Since there is only one self , the self in him is the same as your self. So you are actually appearing as this different person. In fact the other person is nothing but another avathar of you!!!. In the core of his being he is the same as you. Now if you see it this way , how can you be affected by the anger. The anger that he shows is also part of you. Unity and love are one and the same. The moment you are one with everything you love all. It is only the diversity that creates separation.

There is one more way in which our ego can create problems. Whenever we are in this situation, we immediately start thinking about the past. We use our memory to interpret the situation. This happens like this. You start thinking
 " I have done so much for this person sacrificing myself and my happiness. This is what i get back"
OR
 " He doesnt understand me. How much hardships i have undergone"
. All these are a result of interpreting based on smrithi. This is what Patanjali calls as viparaya  and vikalpa. ( misapprehension and imagination).
"viparyayo mithyajnanam atadroopapratishtham" Yoga sutra( 8)
 Indiscrimination is false knowledge not established in real nature.

Patanjali says if you want right understanding, just analyze it based on the present moment and your intellect. Not understanding the absolute reality and believing in unreal things is the cause of most of your sorrows. Just say to yourselves if you see anything other than divinity in anything or anyone it is your misapprehension. 

If we look at only the current moment, what is happening is just this person getting angry and some emotions happen in you. Accept everything completely. Love everything including your responses. Then you will see that the situation dissolves without any issues. Just by remaining silent you wont dissolve, Your thoughts also should cease. In the initial stage the best approach is to replace all your negativity with nice thoughts immediately . You say  in your mind" I accept it completely  and  i love that person irrespective of what he is saying". Just repeat even if you dont believe it . After some repetitions your thoughts dissolve. This method is similar to assertion.

A calm mind is the field in which all nice creative and good thoughts come. A still mind is the only one that is blissful. You are not only calm now, but you are also sowing the seeds of spirituality in this field.
How can you be detached?. How can you abide in your awareness so that you catch your mind in the act?. Practice meditation and get familiar with the deep waters of your mind. As awareness increases your sense of watching power becomes permanent in you. The moment you wake up it is awareness through which you sense the world , the body the mind all are witnessed all the time. This becomes a habit and then effortless. You become established in reality

Free Will

The problem of free will is the most intriguing aspects of philosophy. I seem to have free will. I can choose whatever action i want to perform. For e.g, if you ask me to raise my hand , i would do so willfully . I can also choose not to raise my hand if i felt so. On the first glance it seems as if i do have free will to choose whatever thoughts and actions i want to perform under any circumstance. Is this really true?.

But even modern science has shown that the illusion of " free will" seemingly gives us a sense of doership. So what then is the origin of our thoughts. Do the thoughts come on their own into our mind?. Or are there any cause as to why a particular thought comes up?. you can easily see that sometimes a thought comes up without you even having the faintest idea of why it came up now. You may even wonder why am i thinking about it now. Once the thought does arise you can follow the train and end somewhere else and even compelled to do actions that you would not have wanted . So do we willfully think? .

Here is an interesting imaginary conversation between Socrates and Aeschines

A. But surely Socrates, man is responsible for his own thoughts and actions, and has the freedom to decide his acts?

S. Dear boy, I hope you will not be shocked when I tell you that man has no freedom of will, and is not responsible for his actions.

A. But surely Socrates, this goes against the 'consensus gentium' of educated people and their commonsense. I feel and I know that I am responsible for my acts. When I think to do something, I carry it out.

S. Are you so sure, my dear fellow? Let us examine this matter more closely. Sit down a while. You say you think; where does the thought that you have, come from, in the first instance? Where does it arise?

A. From me, of course.

S. From Me. Tell me, who is this Me? Can you find him inside? Now watch closely. Where do thoughts actually come from? Be very honest.

A. Well, surprisingly they seem to arrive from nowhere, out of the blue. From the Gods, perhaps.

S. Now you see that you did not create the initial thought. It arrives from you know not where. Then what happens?

A. It commences the faculty of reasoning.

S. Yes. It touches your mind, and either the thought is rejected as unworthy or accepted as useful, according to needs, standards of upbringing and so forth; and it starts a process called thinking.

A. But surely I start the process of reasoning.

S. Are you sure? Look closely now. See what actually happens. A thought arrives from nowhere, touches the mind which reacts according to its patterns of education and what it believes to be the right response, and some more thought weighs the matter up.

A. But surely in the weighing I choose from the alternatives offered by commonsense and reason?

S. I mistrust your commonsense and conventional opinion, the so-called reason of the masses. Only the philosophers understand the nature of choice, and not too many of them, I suspect.

A. Do you mean I didn't choose?

S. What happens if you watch, dear sausage maker, is that the mind or thoughts present alternatives, and according to your disposition you choose what you consider to be the most practical, pleasurable and in the best interest for you. But there is no daemon inside to choose. The choice happens mechanically, like an abacus, and then the mind foolishly ascribes it to itself as "a free agent", boasting arrogantly "I CHOOSE."

A. Please continue, Socrates. This is most illuminating.

S. Truly the choice was inevitable. The so-called act of choosing was part of the structure of predetermination. The choice was inevitable, because it appealed to your hidden tendencies of pleasure, and what you believe to be appropriate. In fact there was never any freedom to choose anything other than that which was chosen.

This is the state of affairs. The thought that comes up now is not a result of your own willful thinking. It is part of lot of things like your samskara conditioned by your previous actions, your genetics and your education etc. It is not just because of some inputs now, it is a result of lot of factors out of which you have control only limited things. But once the choice is made from a set of thoughts by the brain automatically , you become conscious of the choice.. This gives you a feeling of having made some decision and having willfully acted. There is a process of automatic choosing that happens inside your brain. If this is the case, how can you do any action?. All things are ordained already. isnt it ?.

No. the thing is we can make our samskara more and more pure. By being in touch with good company , adopting spiritual practice , the choices that appear can be purified. It so happens after a while , whatever be the choice you take all of them are equally good. This can come from a purified mind where there are no residual negativity. This is the reason why we say, you need not worry if you are deeply spiritual, the good action automatically appears in you. Buddhists often say "If you are spiritual , then there is no need of the eight fold way, as only the correct actions appear in you. All the rules are redundant". It is only when we are under the ego, the rules are required. 

The sense of doership is the side effect of free will. This is the cause of so many issues in life. You often think "I have done so many things for him. But he does not have any gratitude."  Did you really do things ?. Or is it that you things were done through you and you become conscious of them. You can see it is the later. So abandon the clinging to the results of your actions. This is the true meaning of karma. Once you loose the clinging to the results of your actions and yet do actions by enjoying them then you are peaceful. As krishna says " Wise are one who see inaction in action and action in inaction". 

Right knowledge

Why do we have to learn all these lofty philosophical principles?. Why cant i just live in this world without all these idealistic principles?. Sometimes we do wonder about this. There are two aspects which highlight the importance of this.

1) Our samskara gets purified by having good thoughts and knowledge. Later on when we think these impressions have an influence on the thoughts that arise in our mind. We all know that a thought comes in our mind due to our past actions. Actions create impressions in your mind and they are buried deep within you. These are subtle and never can be seen. A coffee that you took , an ice cream cone that you took or a movie that you watched are create impressions that gets buried in your mind. The net set of all such impressions are called Samskara. These samsakars later on become tendencies or vasanas or urges. Remember we are not doing this consciously . It is happening all the time. It is these vasanas that surface as thoughts or vrittis in your mind. That is why if you do some action willfully and with a ego centric way it is sure to create an impression in your mind. However an action performed in a detached way for the sake of others would produce a good impression. You might have wondered why i am getting a thought now. It is your accumulated karma or samchita karma that has created the samskaras and now surfacing as vrittis. So reading and thinking about good philosophy gives you good samskara which later on influences your mind  in a positive way.

2) Second thing about philosophy is that it makes you see the essence of what is going on, so that you are not affected much by it. Consider this . Suppose you are acting in  a movie. In that movie you would be killed by a robber. What is that gives you courage to act in the movie. You know the underlying truth. You know that underneath the acting of the scene you are not affected by killing and once the scene is enacted you can come back unscathed. This is the power of understanding paramarthic reality or absolute reality. Understanding this helps you to transact in the world in a easy and relaxed way. You have to transact in the world with the right knowledge about your essential truth. If you dont do this , you would be affected by all the scenes. Note that just because you know that it is an act and not a real thing doesnt prevent you from participating in the movie.
So just like that just because you know the truth about your true self helps you to act out your life smiling at everything. You dont run away from life saying that it is all meaningless.

However it is very important to see how this knowledge applies to our life. If we dont apply it, it becomes just an intellectual exercise. Always think when you read a concept, how this needs to be translated into my own subjective experience.

Vedanta tells us about various orders of reality. One is the vyavaharik reality . This is also called the empirical reality. We see a multitude of names and forms in the empirical world of transactions. We can see lot of ornaments like bangle, ring necklace etc. Are they all various independent entities?For practical purposes yes.A ring is a form that we wear on our finger and it cannot be worn in the neck. So as far as the transactional world is  concerned it is different from the necklace. However underneath we know that it is only gold with a particular name and form. It doesn't have more value than its weight in gold. This comes to our mind when the pawn broker , just weighs the ring and tells you that it is such and such weight. You may have an emotional value for the ring. But for the banker it is just gold that he sees. Being dispassionate therefore comes from a true recognition of its absolute reality. The mind would always try to glorify empirical world of names and forms. It would create emotions thoughts memories and lot of paraphernalia around things. The idea is to remember the absolute or paramarthic reality behind the multi varied empirical or vyavaharik reality.

When we look at an object and perceive its presence, we often forget it is only an image of the object that is formed in the mind. Look yourself in the mirror. Do you see yourself?. No. you only see an image of yourself. Just like that when we view an object we only receive a mental image based on sensory perception. It is not substantive. It is only reflexive. What vedanta says is that substantively all are brahman. Only the mental image seems to be something different. 

Freedom

"Atmanam vidhi" 
                        Upanishad teaching

Many people feel that they are not free.  So we should understand what this freedom is all about. What is that they want to be free from?. Is it freedom from people, freedom from situations which are unfavorable, or is it something really undefinable ?. Unless you truly understand this , there is no point in seeking it. Some people say " I feel so crunched and inhibited. I want to go somewhere and be free". Some people say " I do not want this life.  I want freedom from everything".
What makes them think that this would solve the issue or maybe they dont want to know whether it is the right solution  or whether there is a solution at all.
 Our life may be summarized by seeking things which we do not understand and solving them by even more sillier workarounds.

In any interaction in this world there are two things one subject and another there is an object. Subject is one , objects are many. What we want freedom is freedom from objects. So what are objects?. Are they things like chairs, tables, money etc. No, not only that. Anything other than the subject is an object. Anything knowable is an object. So you can see that objects includes feelings, emotions, thoughts your mind itself , your body, other people, and so on. Anything other than the real self is nothing but an object.

So let us analyze a simple situation here. Somebody says "She hurt me so much ". Now consider what has happened here. A hurt is a feeling or a sequence of thoughts in your mind that was caused by some behavior. That according to our definition is an object. A feeling is knowable to you the real subject. It is only an object. How can that affect you the real subject who is not that. So you can see what has happened. You have identified yourself with the feeling. The freedom is lost when you think you are nothing but the feeling in your mind. Or in other words you have been absorbed into an object ( feeling of hurt) . So that is why there is a problem. In the real sense , subject is apart from all objects. So what we are really seeking is freedom from all objects including thoughts, emotions, body sensations everything . But the subject is actually apart from all objects, nothing needs to be done for correcting it.

Another person says " I have lost so much money now. I feel like ending my life". Now obviously you can see that what he is seeking are the thoughts in his mind about the consequences of loosing money. We do accept this situation is a little hard. But is that the cause of sequence of actions emanating from these thoughts?. Dont you think you are not these simple set of thoughts ?. How can you be any of these. So whenever we get absorbed into objects like thoughts emotions feelings and identify ourselves with it , we have these issues . So the freedom is from them. Dont attach your identity with the punitive little objects.

The little trick is this. Determine "Who am I" in each situation and say to yourself , i will not sacrifice myself to the objects in that situation. This kind of intellectual alertness is called discrimination or vivekam. Always understand that you are already free from all objects. Only thing is due to your ignorance you fall prey to the illusion of lack of freedom.

What is the real cause of feeling of lack of freedom?. It is simple. It is attachment. We feel it is in the objects that our happiness lies. Money, good feeling when we do something for our children , for some cause in life and so on . All these things are objects only.In the context of the above discussion it is clear that freedom comes from detaching ourselves from objects. So unless we are willing to sacrifice from objects we are going to feel tied. Please note that this doesnt mean,  from now on i am not going to do anything in life since it involves objects and i am detached. No. What needs to be detached is not the physical attachment, it is the mental identification with the object that needs to be detached. While  i am interacting, i should be doing but not attached to it . I should stand apart from the object. This is what detachment really means.

So the upshot of all these is just this. Detachment should be given highest priority in life. Second is to discriminate in any situation, who the real subject is from the objects . Once you know this using your discrimination there is nothing called lack of freedom. The real subject is always free and happy and it is not dependent on any object for its existence.

 Know thyself and be free is the greatest saying in upanishads

The White Radiance of Eternity

"Life, Like A Dome Of Many-colored Glass, Stains The White Radiance Of Eternity"
                                                                                                  -Shelley

Whenever we read this, we are reminded of our life. The white radiance of truth getting stained by our experiences or so called interpretations. Reality goes on unperturbed, not hindered by any happenings. We see the colors and are baffled, but the underlying light is always pristine and pure. Pure consciousness is the white radiance of reality. It is the screen in which every movie happens. When a war is shown on a cinema screen it doesn't get torn to pieces, a scene of the sea doesn't wet it, a fire doesn't burn it. When the movie goes on, we don't see the screen. Only when the movie stops do we become aware of the screen . Just like that experiences take away from us the whiteness of the consciousness coloring it with its own scenes. The screen is always there whatever be the movie, and whatever be the actors . Day in day out it remains unchanged. How many movies have been played and how many scenes have come and gone. What remains after all the sound and fury, is the screen.
Pure consciousness is that screen in which the movie called universe is played out. Understand that you are that pure consciousness unlimited , unperturbed and forever free from all happenings. Happenings are just dots in its radiance. They are observed for a while and they go.

Pure consciousness or awareness is not only the pristine witness of all happenings , but also every experience and reality is made out of it. The raw material of the universe itself is pure consciousness. There is nothing apart from it,just as the clay is the material of the pot. Clay can be there without the pot, but a pot can never be without clay. Clay is the pure consciousness in this analogy while pot is just anything in this universe. Understand that the content of everything is pure consciousness.

If we understand our true essence why are we so worried and perturbed?  This happens because of our attention. Our attention is always in the movie. We are enthralled and engrossed in it. We cry, we laugh and are affected. Only when the movie stops do we see the screen and suddenly we are back.
When we dream we are so affected by the mental objects. Our awakening stops this illusion. Isn't our life also a dream in the waking state clinging to unreal things, affected by ghosts of reality .

This is why Shankaracharya cried
Brahmam satyam jagan mithya, jivo brahmaiva naparah

Spirituality is the awakening by reminding us of the screen all the time. The screen is me the infinite consciousness. How can me the screen get affected by the movie that is shown?.But sadly it is a slow process. Philosophy is one thing, life is another. Many people want to know how do i apply it to my own life?. Two things here. The very fact that we are seeking how to apply is a good thing, because our samskara is getting purified all the time.
A guru says take a step towards me i will take a thousand steps towards you.
 Second is it is not as hard as it sounds. All it needs is  to step back a bit . A lion when it has walked , turns back and watches its own traversed path. Just like that we should keep on watching ourselves despite the experiences however awful they are. Very soon this vigil becomes the constant companion of our self.
. When we know we are watching the movie with the knowledge of the me the screen always, we can take  it lightly.

I remember a talk of Rupert Spira who said about suffering. Suffering is a call from our inner self to come  back to its source. The self calls us saying "please don't look outside in the objects, thoughts sensations ,emotions for happiness . please come back to me the true self." It is this cry which is the suffering.

Another small thing that can help us is meditation. All our life's activities are outward seeking. Meditation is inward bound familiarizing us with the innards of our being. The more we get familiar the easier it becomes. But actually meditation should not be viewed as an activity alone. It should become like a involuntary thing like breathing. That is the point when you become aware all the time. No thought can escape you, no emotion can shatter you no pain can make you suffer. Our true being in us not out of us, that is where we belong.

Mind as an instrument

Consciousness has many abilities.
1) Ability to be self aware and be knowledgeable about itself.
Pure consciousness being infinite is therefore aware of itself as infinite and without any attributes.
This is the pure "I am" feeling. Or we call it the pure presence without any adjuncts.

2) Ability to know other entities . It is obvious that the first ability is more fundamental than the second, since unless the first is firmly established the second cannot make sense. Also the first ability is more powerful than the second. However the problem with the second ability namely  to comprehend other things comes at a price. Other things are limited in extent . They seem to have names and forms. So consciousness itself is forced to make a compromise. It has to limit itself to know other names and forms. So consciousness does a trick .It uses its power of imagination to limit its extent. This results in a limited consciousness called the mind. The nature of mind is therefore mainly to know other things. Therefore its vision is always outward. It looks at other people , other objects etc . Now mind needs to give the possessor of the mind some sense of authorship of who is using it. For this it uses a simple trick. It says the entity using me is nothing but the body. This is why there is a root thought in the mind " I am the body" in the mind, because it is the most easiest author found. It cannot say the author is pure consciousness since if it does so it would have the situation where an infinitely large consciousness comprehending limited things.

So the ability to know other things has modified the real author of consciousness into an imagined thought called "I am the body"(limited form of pure consciousness) instead of the "I am ".
Now this is why the process of self enquiry works in eliminating this fallacy. If we turn back and ask who is the real author , the mind yields to the pressure and forced to admit the falsehood. When it does so , all the thoughts also have to die. So it would resist this with all its might, because it is afraid that if we loose the mind , the ability to know other objects and interactions also would vanish.

Using this cue that the mind is tricking us , we can apply it into our ordinary life situations. We now that the mind's primary task is to know other things using a limited edition of the pure awareness. But it should stick to this task of comprehending the world. It should not take ownership of our identity. This is the only problem that we object to . We are alright with the fact that the mind is limited and it has to work with other objects etc. But it should not take responsibility of things which it is not designed to do.

If we accept this unique fact that the mind is an instrument only and not the identity that we assume to believe , then many problems would become non issues. Sorrowful thoughts that arise etc are seen as just waves in the medium of mind and not as pertaining to the real author who is the unlimited pure awareness which cannot be affected. Many people find mind to be an instrument idea so difficult to digest and yet admit that the brain is just an object. If brain is just an equipment like our hand, why not the mind also?. We now know mind is after all some set of neural connections in the brain. So whatever thought occurs should be seen in this light only. The real self is prior to the formation themind and is the pure feeling of awareness.

We are in possession of a faculty called mind just like we own a house or car etc. However we are not the house or car. Our real identity is the source of the mind which is pure awareness or the "I am " feeling in us. We are the producer and experiencer of mind ,and therefore we are above the mind.

However this true sense of ownership of the mind by the real I comes only when we turn inward towards it. If we remain in the outward world of names and forms the mind will always have its power over us. An instrument is only an instrument and it would be limited in its interpretations and that is the root of the problems we face.

Truly realized one

Vedanta is all about unity. When the self is truly realized and when our identity becomes rooted in it, we truly feel there is only one single entity and all the diversity to be an appearance in it. The more the influence of the ego in us, the more the second and third person perspective in us. The root of the problem is the "I thought". If there is an I grounded in my body then the whole world is separate and i see it with the eyes of a person. Only when consciousness goes back to its source that is the atman, do we loose this personhood and then the whole universe including the persons that we see becomes in you, rather than outside you. The atman and the infiinitude is one and the same. True consciousness can never be divided.

When we become thus centered, many things fall off and many changes happen. It is the natural state of the infinite. Love is an often misunderstood emotion. Many people feel that they selflessly love others. But in the presence of ego, a love is always between two persons. Two persons when they enter a relation is always riddled with expectations whatever be the context whether it is love or business or anything. It is marred by likes,, dislikes, expectations, sorrows, misunderstandings and so on. When love is pure it is inclusive. You do not love a person , you love the beingness as a whole. You understand that there is no such thing as another. You accept the other as part of you since there is nothing apart from you. When Jesus said you should love your neighbor like you, he didn't mean you should see love him as a different person. He said

'Love your neighbor as yourself'

 If you do that it is pure love. If you love him as you love yourself which is accepting him as part of you and  not distinct, then only love can happen in its pristine form. Otherwise if  it is just a person to person relation which is just a  convenience.  Love in its pure form once realized , will remove the need for  any ethical rules etc, the thoughts become purer in its own. There are no longer any need for any commandments.  This was the whole message of Jesus. To show that pure love is by dissolving yourself into everything. Truly realized saints dont see you as you, they see all as a single cosmic entity. They have lost the ability to distinguish between entities.

A truly realized one never leaves the state of happiness and true love. Since there is always happiness inherent in him , he never craves for anything in this world. No desire attracts him any longer,because the very happiness you seek is already in him. His actions are always pure and loving because he sees only one. The actions are always to service not a fulfillment since he is already so. He loves without expectations because he wants nothing. 

All the different problems in life is purely a perspective issue. If we see the world as a person, we are in for trouble. We can create any number of problems for ourselves living in that identity. Any action that we do becomes justifiable from our perspective and so we dislike others because they dont understand this. A realized person doesnt see any problem because he has lost his personhood and duality for ever. When he sees the anger of another person at him, he doesnt get affected by it since he understands that it is all part of him and loves despite all these differences. He sees that it is only a fleeting thing which may pass like the idle wind. He understands that there is nothing that cannot be corrected with pure love. 

Rooted in his infinitude he is truly still and perfect. He no longer runs around and seeks many things. His wants are nothing , he just is. The actions that appear in him are purer than the spring water. He acts but never expects. He loves but never want anything back . Anger, pride etc doesnt have any impact on him. Exalted always, he watches the worlds fleeting ways. He never grieves nor does he run around seeking anything. Senses are there but they are his slaves. He is a true master of everything. He is totally free as there are no bondage of person in him.

In the myriad forms of the universe he sees only the self . He lives exactly as he is. There is nothing left to be done. There is only pure being enjoyed. Life is a celebration .

As Ashtavakra says to Janaka 

11.6 

“I am not the body, nor is the body my possession— I am Awareness itself.” One who realizes this for certain has no memory of things done or left undone. There is only the Absolute.

Mind control

There are supposedly three complimentary things in controlling our mind.
They are
1) Tatvajnana or philosophical knowledge
2) Vasana Kshaya or destruction of tendencies which hinder the process
3) ManoNasa or mind purification .
All these together need to be given equal importance. Tatvajnana gives you the right context to start on the journey. Unless we have the knowledge , we dont know what to concentrate on , what is the error in us etc. When we hear and start to wonder and contemplate on our life the tendencies get purified. What are tendencies or vasanas?. Any experience in your life leaves imprints on your mind and even memories of relevant things. These imprints regulate your thoughts or vritti in the mind at a later point of time. You might have wondered why did i act that way?. I should have controlled my anger etc. This happens because of the vasanas that are present deep within you. A disciple when he is in touch with a guru speaks about his actions and vasanas and the guru tries to correct them using right knowledge etc and the mind gets purified all the time. This would lead later on for the correct actions. So you can see the right knowledge or Tatvajnana is also important in VasanaKshaya. VasanaKshaya is a slow process as it is a correction of life long habits.

ManoNasa or quietening the mind to experience higher levels of consciousness we need some methodology like self enquiry or meditation or combination of both.
The important thing is to turn inward and start getting aware of your own thoughts whether you are tense of happy and watch them closely . This process once extended to a full time activity can lead to a more peaceful mind. All biographical thoughts should be discouraged as much as possible. There would be times of internal peace. Listen to them and enjoy this pure moment of bliss. This is where the self is manifesting itself.

Another point which leads to Manonasa is dispassion. How our mind works by repeatedly thinking about something and creating attachment is well known. Once this attachment gets rooted it leads to desire and all the thoughts thereof. So the proper means of attaining dispassion is to look at your attachment points. Desire is not only craving for something. Even aversion or dislike dwesha is also bondage. Essentially what needs to happen is falling off of the likes and dislikes. When we are given a toffee, we neither have a liking for it nor do we dislike it. We seemed to have transcended the toffee. But for a child it is a strong like. But for us we dont dislike it either. This is the meaning of transcending it. Only when that happens will we become detached. Any liking forcefully withdrawn is not a detachment. Whenever we want to abandon something we force our mind or control our mind to do that. Say your doctor asks you to follow a diet you do it by force. This is because you have not mentally prepared for the act of physically abandoning it. First think about the attachment points and work on it . Then only go to saying i dont want it. Otherwise mentally craving and physically abandoning it is not detachment. It is bondage. VasanaKshaya helps in the process of detachment as it eliminates lot of thoughts which are of hindrance.

All there processes are simultaneously applied so that our mind is prepared for its inward journey.

The lie called ego

I am sure in your life, somewhere you had the occasion to tell a lie. Now in order to support the lie, you have found that you have to create more lies. This is to convince others of the falsehood. A lie very rarely stands on its own. It requires supporting constructs which are either half truths or lies themselves. We sometimes go to the extent of believing in the lie. If we do that we have a twin life. An outward exterior where we behave as truthful person while in the interior we have that lie within us. A stage comes when we justify ourselves of the lie in terms of convictions, beliefs etc and is done actually to help someone and that it is harmless etc. So you can see that a lie always creates a series of situations which are unstable. We cannot reconcile it with reality however hard we try. You can be the shrewdest person ,but you will not survive this struggle. This is why most convicts get caught.You can never build anything out of pure imaginary constructs.

The situation we understand clearly is exactly what happens when we tie an identity to an lie called the ego. An ego or false self is the greatest lie imaginable. An unlimited identity is tied to a small limited body-mind system and we live in this lie whole through our life trying to support it with another bigger set of lies and convictions. It so happens we are also ignorant of this mountain of lies. In life at least when we tell a lie ,we know we are telling a lie. But ego is one which induces you to forget the lie after creating it. Now after doing this it tells you stories about you , interpretations to convince you of the perceptions.

Accepting that this needs to be rectified is the first step. However you can see that people fall back even after accepting the lie. They don't want to come out of the foolish paradise that they have created themselves. Spiritual life is just a way to eradicate this parasite from our system so as to become truthful. Because more truthful you are, lesser the burden on you to support it.The effort is only to stay there. As you become lighter, actions happen spontaneously. Instead of becoming narrower in our action we extend out in actions and expand out our mind. The more expansive it is freer you feel and peaceful it is.

The ego or false self is more of an instrument to comprehend our surroundings so that the being can exist. What has happened is that this instrument is given the glorious distinction of our identity.Impressions are used to create memories and vasanas. This is to give us a sense of continuity of existence through the faulty system of ego. When you ask someone how is life, ego intervenes tells them about the sad memories of your existence, the fleeting nostalgic instances of happiness that were there. Happiness is held as an illusory thing by the ego since it itself is far from it. What is more it convinces you so much that there is no other identity possible other than ego so that you are trapped for ever. Whatever you try to do to come out of its clutches,  it is resisted by it with all strength. Afterwards it would mock at you and say " See what happened?. Did you achieve anything?"

There is only one thing that the ego is afraid of . That is the secret. The moment you turn inward and question as to the existence of the ego, it will die. That is why atmavichara of self abidance is such a powerful tool as explained by Ramana Maharshi. The question "Who am I?" or "Where am I ?" to the mind , if you diligently do, results in its running away . However there is a trap here. This is not a question to the mind that we need to ask. It is more like a probe into our being feeling for the answer, more like an insight. An insight is not brought about by logical deductive thinking. It is more of an intuitive probe. We turn the mind inward and probe into its innards trying to transcend it. The more the time you spend in self abidance the lesser the impact of ego. Finally a time comes when it becomes natural in you. If you ask a question to the mind "Who am I?", all it creates is a sequence of nonsense answers on the top of thoughts. What we need is an insight as to the reality not a question and answer session with the mind.

There are no prescribed methods here. It is a subjective experiential effort. You need to evolve a method on your own using whatever method that is comfortable for you. As thoughts come in your mind become aware of them and try to probe deep into your being of its source. If your probing is right, the thought vanishes. Remember you are not trying to kill the thought. You are just watching it and probing its source in the awareness.

When we do realize and settle down on our true identity or awareness, the thoughts , the sensations, misery ,happiness are all perceived as just fleeting things which you watch from a vantage point of self. You do use the mind but only for perceiving the reality exactly as it is nothing more and nothing less. You transact in the world with an instrument called mind. 

Understanding Life

From the common perspective life seems to be an interplay between persons. Relations come in, various incidents happen, experiences are perceived and so on. It seems to be riddled with problems, dichotomy of thinking which leads to fights , sometimes love, sometime misunderstandings and so on. If you look at the root of all the problems in life it comes from a process of personification of some entity . Duality means thinking that you are separate from all beings and objects. It is so much taken for granted that we have ceased to question it. Me and the rest of the world. Me and my son, me and my mother and so on. See how it depends on me as a person.
Once this has started in your mind, thoughts come about in plenty and leads to expectations about the other person and so on.
How to overcome this problem?.
We create workarounds by abiding in ethical rules, and belief systems. This eases the problem somewhat in some , but mostly following ethics is subjective. So all may not obey the same set of rules, hence the fight.
Before we discuss the situations in life ,let  us define some ideas. A subject is something that studies some object. The object is an insentient entity while the subject is considered as sentient.

Let us look at this from the non dual or advaita perspective. If you look at the root of this problem you can see that the person is at the crux of the crisis. How does this happen?. There is only an infinite undivided awareness which is the absolute reality itself. This is an Impersonal consciousness and there is only one undivided entity . Vedanta calls it the Brahman. Now when it occurs inside a body mind system it gets modified into a personal consciousness or ego.The ego thinks itself as the subject and it perceiving something.So it thinks I am perceiving something, instead of saying an object called body-mind system is perceiving it.

Now look at an experience. One person is talking to another . What really happening is this .
The body through its sense organs is functioning and the mind which is another object is thinking certain thoughts and the other person is hearing the sounds etc. If you look at closely there are only objects. There are no persons here at all. You look at the ears . They are objects. You look at the brain it is an object. So two objects are interacting. But the impersonal consciousness is illumining the body mind system enabling sentience. So the only subject here is the single undivided consciousness.

However our mind thinks me the subject interacting with another subject,
 In reality there is only one subject and that is the brahman .
The one and only brahman is causing these objects called organisms to function in this talking.
So we can say there are only objects in the entire universe with the brahman the one and only subject illumining the sentient beings. Instead of this reality we have assumed that each and every one of us are subjects or persons  and the rest of the world as distinct from us.

Now let us analyze an experience in life. Why do we feel angry about something?. Are we ever angry at an object like a car?. No. We are only angry at people. Now where is the person here. There are only objects here. The one and only subject is the brahman which is the same everywhere. So when we are angry at a so called person, are we shouting at an object illumined by the brahman which is also illumining us?.

Since truly there is only one subject which in all of us is the same, which is the only sentient reality , is there any sense in shouting at another person?. The same brahman which has enabled the object called you , is the cause of the anger causing object that you see in front of you.
Are we getting angry at ourselves?.
The divisive thinking vanishes once you understand the fact that we are all manifestations of a single undivided brahman or atman and what you see as distinct are nothing but objects called bodies and minds.

So understand this simple principle. There is only a single cosmic I. All things etc that you see in life are just objects which are manifestations of the single I and interactions just happen spontaneously. If you appreciate this , there are no issues. We are actually free from any person-hood, but thinking makes us believe we are distinct from the rest. Whatever you see around you , it is the brahman working through the objects.