Practicing awareness

As meditation gets deeper and deeper, the calmness and clarity that we experience makes us wonder, can we have the same in our life?. Is it possible to be as serene and pure in our understanding and reactions?. We can see that it is not at all easy to carry over our calmness to all life situations. For e.g. you may be in the midst of a heated argument with someone or you may be alone but getting anxious and angry at someone. How to become aware of the thoughts , our reactions and so on?. Even if we did at times, how will this help me?. These are very practical thoughts and would help us a lot in our spiritual journey.

First let us see what we need to do . Then let us discuss on some tips on how to apply this onto situations. As we discussed before, we need to become aware of all happenings in us first. Unless we become aware of those , it is not possible to do anything. This is what is called clarity. Clarity comes when no thought escapes your awareness, no emotion rises without your awareness and so on. So the first thing to do is to become aware of happenings in us even when we are doing tasks etc. We will come to see how we can practice this later. Second point is to develop calmness in the midst of all thoughts and emotions. This can come only when we can release the thought which is causing the worry. Letting go of the thought or emotion and seeing it off. Many people consider it difficult. But you can see that it is not as difficult as it sounds. If you become knowledgeable about say anger or frustration rising , then you can let it go. Many times it is not possible because we are not aware of it coming and going. So you can see calmness is not possible because of lack of clarity of what is going inside you.

Now comes the crucial thing. How to develop our awareness of all these and let them go . It is not at all easy to do it admidst life. We need to go step by step. Two things need to be emphasized here. You should have the resolve to do that and also be patient . These two traits would help you achieve the clarity and calmness that we need.

Take some activity in your typical day. Say walking down the corridor to go out to office, or washing utensils or something. When you are going to do that , take some moments to take a few deep breaths. Now as you start the activity become aware of your activity. Just like you are watching another person, use your awareness to watch yourself. Become familiar with the sensations, thought s that are going on as you do the activity. The emotions that are arising , everything. Try not to miss anything. Sometimes you would miss some thought etc , but don't worry. Just try. So there are two things that are going on here. You are doing the activity. Then there is awareness of that activity also watching it. Whenever you do this activity use it as a trigger to practice awareness of the same. On some days you would miss it. Again don't be harsh on yourself. Its ok. Just try whenever you remember.

Many days you would forget that you need to practice awareness while doing the activity. Whenever you remember that you forgot to be aware , try to remember what went so fast that you could not do this practice. If it is not possible to remember it is fine. But the fact that you remembered itself is a good sign that awareness is getting established. You will see that if you do this diligently enough, you would not miss much. But as i said be gentle at first . Whenever possible do .

You will notice lot of things in you if you practice awareness while doing the activity. You will see lot of thoughts which have no connection with the present situation. A forgotten friend or someone to whom you were not so nice or some thought might pop up. Your awareness would watch it and wonder why is this coming up now?. If there was not awareness i would not have noticed this thought and this thought would have led to something else and so on. But since you are doing an activity much thoughts would not be there . So it is easier to watch.

You might ask. What is the great thing of becoming aware of oneself in these situations?. You will see that these are baby steps . If you have to learn something like a game for example, you would have to learn the rules first then you take some small games which is not so serious , and then go for serious games. Like that unless you train yourself to practice awareness , it is difficult to extend it. So practicing it in small controlled situations is the first step towards extending it .

Sometimes you will see that even when you are not doing the activity mentioned above , you would become aware suddenly of what you are doing. Notice those moments. See what is going on. Just take a few moments and try to see what are the thoughts emotions etc that are arising and continue your activity. You should not strain yourself to be aware through out. Just notice and let it go.

Now even after all these practices, you would see that you would become angry miserable etc. It is alright. As i told you , we need resolve and patience. When we are finished with a bout of anger or sorrow or some such situation take a few moments of meditation and try to see what happened. What  happened to me?. What did i do ?. What was the reactions in me?. Is it all required?. If i had been aware , would it have been different?. Just see.

As we continue this introspection , practice and meditation, you would see that most of the times, you would become aware of what is happening . It would take time, but if you are persistent enough, definitely it would happen. Then even anger is rising, frustration and such emotions are rising, you would see them before they come. Your awareness is  before all that. All these happenings happen in it only. So it would be a different experience than when you just express the anger or misery. You would see that it is possible to let it go and see . The misery gets expressed only because you were not aware of it when it arose. The more clear you are , the more easier it is to be calm by letting it pass.

So what we are saying here is this. Meditation needs to be done as much as possible. But we should also practice awareness in our daily activities more and more. Sometimes use some activity as a trigger to be aware, later on extend it to more and more. Slowly learn to release the thought which is causing harm. The surprising thing is that, your awareness itself would show you the way,. It is the greatest guru and god. It would tell you your own reactions to situations. It would tell you why you are angry and frustrated.In fact it is the light that lights up everything.

Sometimes in real life there may be some particular emotion that you want to isolate and control. Say for e.g. hatred or anger. If you happen to be aware to catch it while it is happening , you would notice many facets of it. Many times it is a result of self righteousness or thinking that I am right while everything else is not so. This feeling leads to many thoughts. If you are aware , then you might release these interpretations. I may be right or she may be right, why bother to spend so much or effort to judge . Let me see what happens if i let it go. As we discussed, it is not easy . It takes time and patience.

Calm and Clear

There are two fundamental principles in spiritual practices that need to be emphasized. One is becoming calm and dropping into our true nature or atma swarupam. Second is becoming clear on what is going on or clarity. Both of them are extremely important. But thinking of them, you can see that they complement each other. When you see clearly you become calm, when you are calm your mind is clear.

In our meditation we see these aspects working harmoniously. When we become aware of all happenings , there is a sort of clarity of all happenings. In our life, we tend not to notice many things going in our mind. But in meditation we see them using awareness, and more we notice , more clear it becomes . The happenings may be good or bad, miserable or pleasurable, unless we are clear and reflect everything there is a sort of confusion as to what is going on. The states of happiness and worry tend to be clouded with lot of events. So one of the purposes of meditation is to achieve this clarity of seeing all happenings. This is why we spend most of our meditation watching our mind. To develop a clarity of all events.

The second aspect is calmness. To develop calmness, we need to get disentangled from the happenings in our mind. When a thought comes, we need to just watch, meaning that we should not get engaged in it. We can use some technique like reciting a mantra or watching our breath to achieve this aspect of calming our mind. So the idea of this technique is not to get drawn into the thought that is happening or the emotion that is troubling. This can be done by returning to the mantra or breath noticing or concentration. When we let go of an engaging thought we are learning the art of calmness. In real life also we can do this. But the thing is we can only do this if we become clear. So clarity and calmness are complementary.

We can understand these practices using an analogy. Suppose you are a herdsman looking over a bunch of cows. What would you do ?. You would let them wander , but keep a close eye on them all the time. When the cow tend to wander off into another person's land we try to pull it back into our property. But most of the time you are watching them without interfering too much in their grass grazing and walking around. You are the awareness and the cows are the thoughts in your mind. Keeping in them in your own land and at the same time understanding all activities is your task during meditation.

The practice of meditation is not limited to when we sit in meditation. It continues to our life activities also. Initially whenever we get really worried or tense , we just need to step back and use our meditation technique to watch what is going on and try to become free from the thought or emotion so that we get the clarity and calmness . We would notice that the moment we step back and start noticing things without getting engaged in it , the problems slowly loose their bite. They tend to slowly evaporate. We tend to notice the impermanence of these happenings. After all there were so many problems in our life . Where are they now?. Just like all of those problems wont these problems too fade away with time. If they are not going to be there tomorrow, why bother to entertain them? So you can see that the very problem existed because of the fact that you were not noticing that there is a problem internally and that we tend to get too much engaged with them as though this is the end of the world.

As we tend to notice things in our internal world, there is a great knowing that happens sooner or later. We tend to see so many things in our mind. Don't we?. Thoughts  , emotions ,sensations and  all kinds of things. All have a start and an end. They form in our mind, they stay for some time and then vanish only to be replaced with more such happenings. One day we are filled with contentment about our world, the next day we are not so sure. All kinds of things oscillating between extreme conditions.  There is tension one day , relaxation the next day.

But there is something that is unchanging all through our existence. It is the knowing of all happenings. The knowing never changes its color. Knowing is just that , knowing. Whatever be the thing we know, the knowing lights it up. It becomes knowledgeable to us. It is like shining a torch on the dark object. Without this pure knowing, all the happenings would never be noticed, their impermanence would not be understood. Thoughts would come , but if the knowing of them is not there we would not know about them. Just like in a computer, the processing of information goes on without self awareness. The computer never knows it is doing some processing. Just like this without awareness the mind would not be known , emotions would not be known. We would be a zombie object. However the knowing itself is not changing. It is always the same.

So the idea of spiritual life is to understand that there is something permanent and unchanging underneath the sea of changes . When we reflect on this pure knowing, we see that it is not only the mind and body we know, everything that is perceived is lighted up by the knowing. Look at the world outside you. What you are seeing now, is becoming known to you through awareness. Actually it works through two steps. Sensory perception such as sight , hearing etc fall on the sensory organs, but still they are dumb. Now awareness lights them up by becoming knowledgeable about it. The mind starts thinking about the world , awareness brightens them up. So you can see without awareness, the body and mind are inert objects which can process information like a computer but it is awareness that illumines them . So if you ask a spiritual person he would be so ecstatic about this light. He would not be excited about the world so much .

Our life is not noticing this unique , permanent and self effulgent reality because we have failed to achieve the internal calmness and clarity to see things . So this is why meditation and self enquiry can help us achieve this and see this light which is bright shining and eternal. When the clouds depart the underlying sky shines through. When the veil drops the vision becomes clear. 

Clouds of life

On a bright day if you look into the blue sky, you would see beautiful clouds slowly moving across the sky. Does the sky hold on to these clouds?. No . You would see them float and go away soon. The shapes and images it forms in the sky is all gone before you even start seeing them. They drift away into oblivion. The sky is never obstructed by them. The sky never cares for them. It accepts these clouds knowing that they would go away. However cloudy it may be, the sky is never affected by them.

As a young kid you might have imagined beautiful forms in these clouds . The form of an elephant or crocodile. But if you hold on to the form and want it to be there , will you be happy?.  A passing breeze dissolves them and you are sad that the form is lost. But with age you cease to look at these clouds . Instead you want other clouds of life. You want different things in life. Things which are as impermanent as the clouds. Without knowing you hold on to impermanent things . Our youth goes away, our beauty if we have any would pass, our health would go away, our relatives , our friends will all part . We become impoverished in old age not only with money , but with company care and all. Nothing remains . If you try to hold on to these impermanent things , your misery is guaranteed.

We often say Renunciation as the necessary thing in our spiritual life. When you look at the clouds of your life, you can see that it is not abandoning anything. It is just letting go of the clouds by understanding there impermanence.  It is just like the sky which sees so many clouds and yet never cares of holds on to them. So renunciation is nothing but acceptance of reality of impermanence and understanding what really exists independent of all of them namely the sky.

As Suzuki Roshi wrote , "Renunciation is not giving up the things of the world, but accepting that they go away." 
Whenever you suffer in life , look closely and you would find some cloud that you are holding on to, which was sacred for you is about to depart or is slipping away. You are trying to cling to something which is fading away. You are trying to attach your awareness to the small separate self or ego. The moment you accept it is impermanent , it would be released without despair.

Just as we leave things and become free, it is a fact of life that life also is leaving us. Many people are leaving you. Many concepts are leaving you. You are part of a cloud of someone else. So there is an overall impermanence not only in your world, but also in others . There really is nothing to hold on to except your innermost being which is the sky of permanence . An awakened person has a mind like the sky; open, vast, infinite and without the clouds.

Any talk on renunciation leaves people perplexed on how to live if we abandon everything. What is life after that ?. Should we all become monks ?. What happens to kids , family society everything?. This is a misunderstanding of renunciation. Let us take the game of football. Suppose you hold on to the ball , will there be any play possible. You pass it along allow it to go on and finally onto the goal . There is still play of football. But there is no holding on. Becoming a monk is like throwing the ball away and having no play at all. So while playing itself if you realize that the ball will come and go and you cannot hold onto it forever and the game itself will end soon, you are not much affected and yet the play is there. 

Osho used to say , renunciation is not about dropping possessions but dropping possessiveness. If you understand that it is not possible to possess anything since they every object is unreal, you would learn the art of having no possessiveness. Dropping possessiveness is also the way of not expecting. Only when we feel we own things, do we have expectations.

The sky of consciousness is vast and it supports many forms and images without holding onto anything. Seeing them and accepting them that they would go away is the way of being. If we don't hold on to anything we can appreciate the beauty of existence.  True wealth is in having lot of nothing!!!. 
Having no identity , having no concepts and roles, having very little fear, anxiety , dislike and anger . Lesser and lesser of all these is wealth. In fact spirituality is "becoming nobody, having nothing and going nowhere".

Svatma Bhakti

8.1 When the mind desires or grieves things, accepts or rejects things, is pleased or displeased by things-- this is bondage. 
8.2 When the mind does not desire or grieve, accept or reject, become pleased or displeased, liberation is at hand.
 8.3 If the mind is attached to any experience, this is bondage. When the mind is detached from all experience, this is liberation. 
8.4 When there is no “I” there is only liberation. When “I” appears bondage appears with it. Knowing this, it is effortless to refrain from accepting and rejecting.
                                                                                                                   Ashtavakra Gita

I getup early in the morning and start thinking about a cup of green tea to start of the day. Now my mind is filled with this thought " I need green tea". When this fills me, i automatically go towards the kitchen and find the green tea bag and a piece of lemon. Now i make this tea and rest in my chair sipping this tea . The morning is silent  except for a few chirping birds. Now the thought " I need green tea " is replaced with "Ah there are birds ..and i am hearing their sweet voice" .
What are these thoughts ?. You can see that i am thinking about other things than me. Green tea , the birds etc. Then the mind needs to tell me who is doing the thinking or who is the thinker of these objects. So it first creates a root thought " I ". Now we get a feeling that I am thinking. I am thinking of things other than me.

What happens when i turn my attention from the objects other than me to the internal me that is doing the thinking?.  Now you can see that the root I thought would be vague. Why is this so?. This is because in the former case where i am thinking of other objects like tea, birds etc a thinker of them is understandable. But when i think of myself , the root I thought can be seen to be meaningless, because there is something apart from the thoughts that is doing this introspection. Some thing apart from the "I thought" should be there to watch the "I thought". So the root I thought is not the thinker actually. There is something above it which can even view it.  So if the root I thought is not real , then who am I actually?.

You can see that most of our day passes on thinking of other things than me, so we assume that the mind I is real.When we sit in meditation we again turn our attention towards our mind objects. Then we clearly see that the I mentioned in the thoughts of the mind is not so real. That is when we see the mind quietening down.

The mind wants us to believe the I mentioned as the root thought. But when we turn our attention towards it , it becomes vague. What happens if you believe in the root thought is what we call as experiences in our life. Any thought about other things becomes real and our awareness gets caught up with them so much so that , we have no space in our awareness to be aware of anything else. We feel bound to our mind. The moment you start questioning the root I thought , the thoughts loose their sanctity. Because you see that there are just thoughts without any I. They are coming and going like heart beats. Just as we are not concerned about heart beats, we don't feel bound to them.

When i get up in the morning suppose i have this thought " I need green tea". Now instead of believing in it , i turn my attention towards this thought . I try to find "who really wants ". You will not find anybody. When you take green tea there are certain sensations in your tongue. Now the tongue will never come and say I want green tea. So who is saying  i want tea?. There is a slight stimulation if i take tea. But will the brain come and say i want tea?. No. So who is this "I" who wants it ?. Actually there is nobody. There are only  thoughts. However these thoughts are colored with other thoughts about yesterday where you had tea and you have some pleasant memories of the experience. However these colorful memories are also just mental impressions. So if you look deeply in your mind , instead of finding an I who is wanting tea, all you will find is a set of thoughts allied with tea. Once they get numerous, your awareness is bound to it . Now your awareness wants to be free from these deluge of thoughts . So it goes to the kitchen and has it. Now your awareness has become free from the mind. It rests in its true nature feeling blissful. See how a root I thought in your mind has created bondage and also gives you a feeling " I had tea".

The real story is "body moved and had tea" and me who is pure awareness witnessed this process. Drinking tea was happening and i was a witness to it . When you watch a movie in which suppose a hand comes and lifts and has tea. You are watching this action. Just like that if you have the sakshi bhavam of watching your own body actions, then how dispassionate it would feel?. You are the knower of your actions.

Bondage happens when your awareness gets caught up with the thoughts in your mind. It gets caught up when the thoughts are numerous . So unless these thoughts go you wont feel free.

Having a cup of green tea is easily accomplished and hence you can become free from it by having it. But what happens in your life, if you have thoughts from which you can never be free?. For e.g. suppose you don't like a person . You don't like what he is doing . You don't like what he is thinking and so on. Do you have any choice in this matter?. So this thought " I don't like" gets more and more pronounced in you. It gets colored by impressions, mental imagery and so on. But since you have no choice over his actions, these thoughts will never get eliminated. Now you start attending towards this thought " I dont like". Who doesn't like ?. You can see that there is nobody who really doesn't like. There are only a set of thoughts precipitated by  experiences.

We always suffer if we have thoughts for which we have no choice. Suppose you want the sun to rise in the west. Wont you suffer the whole of your life?. This looks dramatic. But think of many of your delusions in your life. You would see this in action, You tend to have thoughts for which you have no choice. By concentrating on these thoughts we loose our power to do things for which we have choice. So by turning your attention towards your thoughts try to see whether the thought that has arisen is something for which you have a choice. If not , just let it go. Otherwise see what you can do now . Wisdom is when you have the power to know  the difference.

All through our life we imagine things and believe them to be true. We imagine for example. See her action. I am sure that this is what she is thinking about me. See how she behaved today. I am sure she might be fuming in her mind and so on. How do you know what the other is thinking?. Why do you suffer because of your imaginary fears and apprehensions?. Since we donot know what the other is thinking , we have no choice to know it or change it. What we can have at best are imagination.

The power of letting go of blocking thoughts for which you have no choice is called acceptance. Acceptance is not meek surrender . It is appreciating of what is . It comes from understanding the grand scheme of things. It comes from understanding your true being and how it is in harmony of all existence.It comes from understanding the imaginary I in your mind and the real I which is awareness.

Our true being can only be known when we turn our attention constantly towards it. This Svatma bhakti is the only way to liberate ourselves from the mind and its imagery. Instead of becoming aware of all the other objects, turn your attention towards yourself most of the time. This will tell us who we really are distinguishing from the imaginary I in your mind. This is the path towards liberation.

Sarvam Brahmamayam

The Advaita view is that everything is Brahman. The world as it appears is a false superposition on the underlying reality. We get deluded and enticed by something like a decoration . A natural question arises in us. If everything is Brahman then the mind also is Brahman . The desire, aversion , all sin everything should be Brahman. So why do you say then that you should not have desires and all. The answer to this is simple. When you really get to the point where you only see Brahman everywhere including the desires in your mind, the delusions in your mind etc , these things don' t arise in you. For how can Brahman rise and fall?. The unified view that everything is Brahman or pure consciousness only is all that is needed. Everything no longer would need to be done thereafter. It is only to the Jivatma the concept of desire etc is there. Once you are truly resting in your true nature, all the mental modifications just come and go . They never stay . They just drop off on their own. So for such a state there is no need for detachment , because he is the very embodiment of detachment.

Consciousness flowing outward through the senses is desire. When that subsides mind rests in its true source. Conversely when you are in your true self, consciousness never sees outward . When delusions and desires drop where are the problems in this world. If this is the case , why do we still continue this sufferings in life?. This is because the solution to our problems is within us. No one other than you can cure you. If you get a disease you go to a doctor and she cures your illness. This disease unfortunately cannot be treated that way. The resolution has to be done by the patient herself. When Rama asks Vasishta about whether there are any clues in this world about its illusory nature.


Rama: Agreeing that the world is nothing but an illusion can’t we help a person to avoid the troubles in the world using some clues from the world itself? 

Vasishta: No, that is not possible. Will any amount of hammering by us here break the mountains in the dream of another? Any clue, any method is a part of your imagination. Misery is a part of his imagination. The two imaginations cannot meet at the same place. Hence each man has to rid his sorrow on his own through Self-Knowledge. 


All our life is only a struggle to attain something. To become something, to accomplish something  to be happy and so on. We never for a moment question to whom does all these accomplishments pertain to ?. Is it for the body ?. Is it for the mind?. When thought that way, the accomplishments , the failures doesn't make sense. How can the body feel proud?. How can the mind feel proud?. Who is feeling this accomplishment?.  Who fails in life?. Can we point out an entity here ?. All that is clear s that there is some knowledge of some happenings in life. Aren't we just knowers of happenings?. These happenings are labeled as certain things by our intellect or mind that is all. Its value depends on our belief in those values. The moment those values are questioned, the happenings loose their significance.

In order to understand the illusory nature of the I consciousness , all you need is to analyze what happens when you dream. What happens in a dream?. You go to sleep. Then in that state another "you " is created. And around that illusory "you " a whole world is created called the dream world. All the happenings there is pertaining to the created "you". Where from does this dream world originate?. It is from your own consciousness . Or put in another words the dream world is another form of you only. So how can you say that the dream world is untrue or the wake world is true. All are created from  you the origin of consciousness. So if one is untrue, can the other be more true?. What is really true is the consciousness from which both originates. The appearances are both untrue.

You might say that the difference between a dream and a wake state is that what i see as the world is the same as what you see . There are some similarities in the world, while the dream is something private to my experience. But analyze it closely. Do you see the same world as i do?. Aren't there interpretations and analysis of happenings in life that is private to you just like your dream?. Does it agree with my perception of the same happenings ?. So we can safely say that the wake state and dream state are the same in terms of interpretations , analysis , feelings etc . They are all private to each one of us just like our dream. The reality is not seen as it is . Just like we dream many unreal objects and happenings , in our wake world also we create lot of imaginary things and suffer because of that.  What is a suffering to you may not be a suffering for me. I can sort of imagine , but is not the same. What is happiness for me may not be the same for you. In short the wake state is as unreal as dream. However both states have a real thing which is common. That is pure knowing or awareness. It shines its light on both the states and makes us realize its unfailing truth.

To the ordinary person , the sun rises in the east and sets in the west. So he would say it is moving across the sky everyday. He can live as long as he wants in this knowledge. But astronomy tells us and it can be seen also that the sun never moves . It is the earth that rotates from west to east. Similarly an ordinary person lives in the delusion that the world , its changes , its importance are all real. For a liberated person it is not so. He says clearly like the astronomer that the world is just a superposition of our senses on the consciousness. An astronaut who has gone to the moon would tell us that the moon is a larger sphere rather than a 20 cm round disc shape that we see in the sky. Just as the world is a superposition on the underlying Brahman, the body too is so. The mind also is so. You need to drop them to see what is the reality. Appearance are deceptive. You need to see through them.

It is the belief in the appearance that lead us to believe in such silly things as rebirth and other stuff. In the light of Brahman , there is no such thing as rebirth. Because in order for something to be reborn some entity should exist other than Brahman. We all know that Brahman is eternal and free from all such nuances. Since nothing exists apart from it , who is getting reborn ?. It is the ego that sees this body getting reborn and all. A form has no significance. whether it is a body , a thought or mind or anything. No form is the same as another. Take a pile of lentils . Now measure another one with a vessel and mix it up. Now take a pile again. Is the first  pile reborn ?. Can you distinguish the lentils from the first pile. There are no birth or death actually. There are only modifications or manifestations. Consciousness getting modified all the time into various forms and appearances.


As life looses its significance, its forms and figures merge into pure consciousness, it merges with the totality and we realize that
Sarvam khalvidam brahma ...

Illusion of Jivatma

“We ought to remind ourselves daily, repeat it like a litany, that in our being lies concealed the whole gamut of existence... Above all, we should cease postponing the act of becoming what in fact and essence we are.” 
― Henry Miller, Plexus

In Chandagyopanishad , the paradox of jivatma and paramatma is explained in detail. Supreme consciousness becomes the body by developing object consciousness. Thus in the jivatama there are two factors, one is consciousness itself in its pure state, and one which is object based. The object based consciousness turns towards objects and is ignorant of its source which is pure consciousness. So the individuality or the personhood is nothing but the object modified consciousness within us. Springing from the supreme , it has forgotten its true source and always is oriented towards objects. Since the objects are all temporary and illusive the suffering exists. But remember this.An object based consciousness is not the  true subject or I. It is just an modification of the one and only subject. The mind is the object based consciousness that is the root cause of all sufferings . All the objects that exist within the mind tend to mask the reality of the pure consciousness and hence results in the life situations.

We have been emphasizing the need for self knowledge as a means of walking the spiritual path. We can see that true knowledge of the self happens when we understand that there is no such thing as a personal I. All the thoughts , emotions , happening in our inner world is not referring to any entity which is real. The only real thing that happens is that we become knowledgeable about all these mental objects through awareness. So there is no such thing as a personal or separate I that exist to which these thoughts etc refer to . It is an illusion created by the mind that there is someone who is doing the thinking etc. So the essence of self knowledge is that for whom the problems refer to doesnt in fact exist!!!,

This is the reason why we say , why do you run behind a thought or run behind an emotion?. Isn't it just a happening in consciousness?. It is like this. You are sitting beside a small pond. You see some waves in the pond. Suddenly you run with fear from the pond thinking that it would certainly create a tsunami which would swallow you. Of course your imagination knows no bounds. You can think of anything. You can seriously believe anything from the small waves. You can think that it is nothing but a big cobra which is swimming underneath the water , or a crocodile which is going past or whatever. But a true knower sees only the small ripples and enjoys them, not imagining or interpreting anything. A ripple is just that .

So a spiritual aspirant tries to do two essential things . One is the quietening of the mind through a proper understanding that all the mental imagery is only there to enhance the wrong identity that doesn't exist. It is like seeing the small ripples in the pond as small ripples. This quietening of the mind happens through persistent observation of our own mind through living mediation. The very process of observation nullifies the seriousness of the mind objects. He tries to release the thoughts one by one and let them fly past him.The second thing the aspirant tries to do is to rest in awareness or the supreme consciousness from which everything has come into being. From the un-shaking platform he just sees and appreciates everything. Thus object consciousness is negated and supreme consciousness is realized.

How do we attain detachment of the object consciousness?. Do we just discard all thoughts and live in a forest meditating ?. No. We achieve true detachment by understanding that there is no self which is referred to in our mental objects. This is what Ramana Maharshi said about his whole life. When you truly understand that there is no real I referred to in your mind, then what is the point in believing in them.  You abandon the clinging because if a thought is not yours what is the big point in believing in it. The whole point of clinging is because of me and mine. When the me and mine is not real how can we believe in the thought.

The same thing is mentioned in Yoga Vasishta . Sage Vasishta tells Rama the following ...

"...Hence I have been suggesting that renunciation of actions should be achieved through non-attachment obtained from a knowledge of the absence of agency for action for the Self. " Then only you would achieve the calmness of the mind. 
When you do that your mind  would become silent like the center of a rock.

In another story in yoga Vasishta it is clearly mentioned of what the I really is.

Turn your attention inwardly. Inquire into your ‘self’. You find there a thought wave of ‘I’, ‘I’, ‘I’. That is the I-consciousness in you. It’s name is ego. You are able to observe it. Therefore, you are the witness for it. Please understand this clearly. You are not that which says ‘I’, ‘I’. “You” are the witness of that ‘I’. 

The crucial thing is that as long as you have the body, there would always be a perception based knowledge and superposition ( Drishya Adhyasa). The world would be seen and perceived. Actions happen automatically based on this. Once you start doing them , your mind start creating doership in you. So to understand these tendencies of the mind and to detach from the thoughts and emotions in the mind, is the way of renunciation. Then your actions become the true karma.

A Jivanmukt is one who is living with a body, but has completely abandoned the body consciousness through knowledge, self enquiry and pure action. He sees the world but is not enchanted by it. He does actions but in a detached way understanding that there is no point in the mind objects. He abides as a pure being merging with the supreme consciousness even while living in this world. As Ramana once said " When the self is hidden, the world appears. When the self is shining the world disappears"

A little liberation

What is liberation?. We speak about it all the time. I want to break away from it all. I want to be free as a bird. No worries, no issues, just plain simple existence. Now ask yourself , is this possible or is it only for great people?. We all know that it is possible. But we refuse to believe that it is possible for ordinary mortals likes us. When we go to a satsang or listen to something spiritual or read something that strikes a chord within us , we feel that there is an inherent peace which is trying to come through. But very soon we are back to our life, again lost in thought , not knowing that we are miserable , not knowing that it is solvable until we hit something liberating again. So this moving back and forth between ordinary life and the taste of freedom is what defines us.

I once heard of a simple incident that was striking and so very familiar. A person is struck in a traffic light. He could not get through the green signal. Now he was the last person who could not cross the green. Now he knows he has to wait a long time before he sees green again since there are lot of cross roads. Now he feels lot of anger, frustration and even sadness. Now he asks himself , who is to blame?. Is it because of the fellow drivers?. Or is it because of the city planners?. Who is responsible for my anger and frustration. I am so tense and desperate that i am clutching the steering wheel till my hands are white. In that moment he just lets it go. The clinging to these emotions and every thing . He just lets it go. Now there is ease , reduced stress. The clinging like a thing you are trying to hold on to a thing which is moving. If you let it go , it just flows downstream. When it vanishes you see peace. Now he is liberated. This is liberation in a small way. A taste of enlightenment if you want. A simple thing to do and yet so profound. There is considerably less amount of noise in your mind.

This is the same thing that happens when you meet with a spiritual guru or an article or meditation or some such experience. You are allowing yourself to let it go. The waves of your mind. The strong clinging and everything. This is  because the master doesn't allow you to cling. He makes fun of you, he nullifies your problems, he doesn't listen to your pesky complaints. If you trust and follow him, in a while you also understand what he says is true, what he is saying comes from a spiritual experience and is good only. When he looks back and have followed what great sages have said , you would understand liberation is not something so difficult. You just carry forward the story of the traffic signal to almost all situations. A little liberation is possible means complete liberation is also not difficult. There would be moments in your life where something fell away, some tension , some preoccupation some clinging. You are actually liberated in a small way there. In meditation you would get it most of the time. So absorb that experience. Understand that it is not an inconceivable state.

This is the faith you should have in your ability. If i can see a little liberation , i have seen the feeling of peace in that situation. When i experience it then, why not all the time. At least most of the time. It is the same me who experienced this little moment of peace. So it is not something impossible for me. So it is possible for me to get liberation.

Here is the key to most of our problems. When you see a problem in front of you. Look away from the problem and turn your attention towards you immediately. Understand completely how you are reacting to it. You would understand that the problem is not at all with the external world just as in the case of a traffic signal. The tension, the stress , the frustration everything are arising in you and you are believing that they are true. You strongly associate the root cause of the problem in all other sources except you. Just think of this . Given the same situation , would a calm spiritual person respond the same way as you do ?. If it is possible for that person to respond in  a nice way, why not you do the same way. If you can't do it the same way, can you say that the problem lies with the outside world only?.

Here in lies the spiritual path's uniqueness in solving problems. Each of us, have aggravated our own sufferings by improperly understanding life. But we have never looked at ourselves to be the cause of it, since we never invested time in atma jyana. What are my own contributions to the problems i face?Some people may say, it is possible that i may have contributed to the problem, but what about others and my environment?. If their contribution is more to the issues i face, what should i do?.
This is where your positivity can help you. Forgiveness is a great trait. Contentment is another great trait. Practice them both in your meditation. Remember one more thing . If you too respond and react in such a way so that you hurt yourselves, you are no different. Hurt is bad whether it is you or others. There is no space for that in spiritual life.

If you look at your experience you would see two conflicting things. One is the pure now that is happening right here in front of you. The other is the mind, which has everything except the now!!!. So you are essentially experiencing the now that is happening with a mind which is not in the now. So we are looking at the mind for happiness which it says is not in the now but is somewhere else. This is why it says stories. This is why it reacts to the now. If you teach it to be in the moment , appreciating everything as it appears, then it can see the little liberation as in the traffic signal. As incidents happen , which disturb or affect, let it go by the stream. Liberation is not a state , it is a verb and it is a release in each moment.

Is Life only a dream?

When you start living in meditation, you tend to become totally aware. Now the question is what are you totally aware of?. You become aware of the world around you. The sights , sounds, feelings, sensations , emotions , thoughts and so on. Nothing can be missing from them. Now if you are aware ask yourself this question?. Am i now aware of anything in the past? You can see that the answer is no. Am i aware of anything in the future . no. You can never see anything of the last second. It is gone irretrievably. The only trace that remains of the last second is through something called memory. But a memory is not directly accessible to your senses. It is only available as a thought that arises. So you can see awareness only knows the Now. Every thing else is faint and false. Can you trust your memory of what you did yesterday?. Can you become aware of it now?. No. It is gone .

So awareness knows only two things . Here and Now. It knows them completely and without any exclusions. Think of the knowing. It would refer to only things that exist. Does the sun rise of yesterday exist now?. So awareness and reality are the same. Whatever comes into its purview is real and existing. In fact awareness and existence are one and the same.

So we can understand why we suffer. When a thought arises of the past or the future, we are taken away from awareness. The reason that happens is because we believe in this thought. When the thought multiplies, and goes on producing enormous implications, our awareness goes to the back seat so to speak. Remember this simple rule, when your awareness is no longer your true focus, then you would suffer because you are under the clutches of the ego. You might ask what is the problem with the past?. The answer is simple, it is not real. It no longer exists. The moment we start grasping something that doesn't exist we are in trouble. So the moment you think you are in trouble ask yourself am i grasping something real or am i under a delusion of holding onto something ?. Most cases of suffering are a result of clinging onto unreal things.

This is why most non duality philosophers have said that we are in a dream. Dream objects are unreal. Yet we are affected by them because in that experience we don't doubt their reality. This shows that when we believe in something that does not exist we can suffer. Only when we get up we realize that we were wrong to have a fear. The only difference between a dream and the wake state is that the latter has a more lengthy duration and each one is having his own dream.

You might say if we were in  a dream , is the world also a dream object?. If you analyse this closely you would see there is not much of a difference. The world is impermanent . Dream objects are also impermanent and exist only in our mind. There is a small difference between the world and dream objects. Dream objects are a result of past impressions in our mind. They are just imagination. The world however has two aspects. One is the current moment of the world which exists for sure. But the second aspect is anything other than that . The projections and memories of the world is not real. So if we accept that , we can see that the world is real only in this moment.

So to come out of your wakeful dream, all you need to do is to understand the impermanent part of the world and reject that as a dream object. If you can just accept the real part of the world which is the now and here, then you would no longer suffer. This is because you are now seeing touching smelling reality not hypothetical dream objects. So the world is a half dream. One part which is the now is real while everything else is unreal and gone.

In order to have this sense of wake state as a half dream, we need to aware that we are semi dreaming. If we know we are dreaming we would not be affected. Then we would know what is real and what is not. In yoga there is a state of sleep called yoga nidra in which you are aware that you are in a sleep state. Similarly yogis can put themselves into a state of dream and yet know that it is a dream and this is called a lucid dream.

If you look at a strong experience as a pain , you can see these two aspects. One is the real sensations of pain. Second is the thoughts about the pain. Now ask yourself this. Are these thoughts referring to something real?. If they are accept them. Of course you might not need to do this consciously after some time, It would come naturally.
If you look at desires you would see this again. A desire is always about something that doesn't exist now. So the moment a desire arises and you believe in it, you are grasping an imaginary dream object which doesn't exist. Belief in it increases the suffering. If you are aware , you would see the desire arising , but you would clearly see it is not real , so the mind would not entertain them.

If you look at aversion , you would see this clearly. What you want is that the present moment to be something else. A slight change here, a slight change there. Whatever it is , it is not something that is truly existing now. So it is also unreal. If you are aware you would see how aversion comes and modifies into anger , hatred and all. Now since you know it is unreal you let it go.

So awakening or enlightenment is not something grand. It is understanding the unreality of things completely. Unless we understand the unreality of things we would continue believing them.
It is the belief that aids the clinging onto them. Don't we all live as though we would live forever.? There may be moments when we realize that we would also face death , but it is not felt in our daily life. This shows that we are not aware of the impermanence of many things.

Let there be Peace!!!

Peace is fundamental to existence. The so called happiness is actually the state of bliss manifested as an emotion in the mind. Its root is actually in our true nature. When the clouding moves ,revealing the underlying reality for a while we get a glimpse.So more closer we are to our true nature the more peaceful we are. The pertinent question is how to get closer?. In order to understand this ,the crucial question is what is that takes away from our true nature. What situations , emotions , thoughts take us away from true nature. Understand this closely. In meditation , try to understand your clinging, your worries , thoughts etc that take you away from the mantra.

When you sit in meditation, for a period, don't suppress any thought , emotion or anything. Accept all of them. See how they are coming, see how you are reacting to them. Some of them may be due to your responsibilities, some of them may be your desires and some of them may be aversions. Understand them all. As you get out of meditation time, just sit for a few more minutes peacefully and try to find out what is agitating you, what is troubling you more. Now with a few minutes of eyes closed state , just analyse whether all these worth paying attention to . Should you run behind them so much?. Some problems may require an immediate solution. This is what we call the immediacy of the situation. No problems with that . Accept and do that. But within the multitude, are all of them requiring careful attention and worry now?. Is it only a story by our mind?. Remember this simple fact, unless you work from a calm mind , your actions are going to be egoistic, cluttered and confused. So calm your mind by nullifying those thoughts which are just blah blah. Now with the calmest mind approach the immediate ones.

To make this investigation more and more useful, make a promise to yourself. Nothing is more sacred than your peace. It is your true nature. This is where you are . This is where you would return to. Life situations are only a small aberration in this grand state. So don't give it up for the pettiest of problems. When you do that you are not only peaceful , but also doing things of this world more efficiently, and in a more expanded way.

When you truly see why you are agitated you would see that , the more we are centered on our own well being and our closed ones only, the more contracted and suffocated we become. It is often considered that if you are worrying a lot about your family then you are more responsible and good. If you are dispassionate then you are not caring. It is not so . Actually if you can balance peace with action , there is no better way to live a caring life. But in order to do that we need to expand our horizons also. Whatever i am experiencing in life , there are others who have the same. So should i not care for them also. When you preoccupy your mind with you, me and mine, you are contracted and feel trapped. But the moment you devote some time to service you come out of your narrow world . This is why Swami Vivekananda felt that saints should not just sit in caves, they should spread their wisdom , alleviate the sorrows and in this lies a prayer. By shifting our frame of reference we become more blissful. When a person helped by us is happy we also feel so.

Sometimes even a simple thing as an insult can keep us lost in thought. Why does this happen?. It is because we identify ourselves with the thought that arises in us when the insult happens. I am reminded of a story related to the Buddha .

"Once an angry man insulted the Buddha. The Buddha simply asked the man if people ever visited him in his home. Surprised at the change of topic, the man answered yes. The Buddha then asked if his visitors ever brought gifts. When the man replied yes again, the Buddha asked what would happen if he refused to accept the gifts? Who would the gifts belong to then? The man said that, of course, they would still belong to those who brought them. The Buddha then calmly and, I imagine, kindly said, “In the same way, since I do not accept your insults, they remain with you.”

Understand this simple fact. It is not necessary that we like everything or dislike everything . There are bound to be situations which we don't like. Don't attach so much importance when that happens. Understand our own reactions to it and accept this also. Then your mind would stop elaborating this impact of not favorable situations. Is this small thing enough to sacrifice our inner state of bliss?. Where are all the insults and anger that i was a target of in yester-years and days now?. Haven't they all come and gone?.

We should also learn to understand the fact that the reason for our troubles lies deep within us rather than on the external world . The world is and it would be so. Only thing that needs changing is you. The solution to your problems is within you.
"There was once a monastery in which many students came to obtain spiritual knowledge. On arriving there, the guru would take them to a remote part of the monastery and ask them to find their own path . He would ask them " Walk down this small way in this garden and you would get an answer to your own spiritual path. You will find the Path at the end of this walkway.". The disciples eager to find their path would follow many small ways in the garden and would be faced with a big mirror that would block their way. They thought , may be i didn't find the correct way that is why this mirror is blocking me. They would carefully retrace their way and explore a new path . They would again find a mirror blocking them. Finally they realized , the real path is not outside, it is within you, because at the end of the walkway they found this mirror, and instead of the path , they found themselves."

Samyama

“yama niyama asana pranayama pratyahara dharana dhyana Samadhi”
                                                                                                        Patanjali Yoga sutra 

Patanjali in his yoga sutras speaks about Samyama which is the beautiful expression of consciousness merged with everything. He says that there are three parts to it. Dharana or concentration on the object. This is uncluttered concentration by the mind on the object. The next stage is called Dhyana or meditation or contemplation. This is understanding the mind of the object. To get inside the object and try to behave as the object. It is uninterrupted flow of the mind to the object. Remember in this state the object are still seen as arising in consciousness. This is what we usually call meditation. We see numerous objects like thoughts , emotions sensations and so on. We are aware of all and we try to witness them all. The last stage is called Samadhi. This is the purest stage, where the awareness or subject merges completely with the object. No distinction is felt. All appears as one.   Subject , object and experience triputi merges and becomes one. This is the highest state of consciousness.
A zen teacher once told his student ." If you want to paint a bamboo , become a bamboo". Only by merging in that object completely can you express it. This is why artists are often mystic people too. They can merge with their own creations.

Patanjali tells us how the mere instrument of experience called budhi and manas become the self by adhyasa  or superposition. Thus the ego is nothing but the superposition of mind over the real self. This is what he calls as asmita . This results in various problems in life as experiences all become egoistic. They are interpreted , misjudged and cause suffering. He says that there are numerous implications of this adhyasa. Ignorance or avidya about our true nature, sensual pleasure seeking, suffering based on believing in thoughts and so on. Raga and dvesha are all a result of this egoistic process.

He says that the only way to get freedom from all these is atma jyana . Vivekam or discriminatory power needs to be cultivated. This helps us in understanding the distinction between what is permanent and what is not permanent. He also advises to start our sadana to prevent future sorrows.
heyam dukham anagatam-2.16

Let us suppose you are sitting in a pitch black room. You cannot see anything. Nor can you see anything outside since it is locked completely. Now i call your name and ask you " Are you there?". What would you say?. You wont say " It is too dark here and hence i cannot see anything . So i dont know whether i am here or not". Nor would you say touch yourself or smell yourself to answer my question. What makes you affirm that you exist?. Obviously not any sensory perception is used here. Nor did you have to think. You wont say " Let me think whether i am here or not". So it is not the mind that says you are in that room. Somehow you  have a feeling of existence independent of all sensory perception and mindful thinking .

The knowledge of existence is different from any other knowledge. You are always knowledgeable about something.  It can be called "Knowledge of". It is always about something else other than "I". Knowledge of existence is on the other hand knowledge of itself. Whoever is seeking it is the knowledge. It is the self evident satyam. It is only after this knowledge comes does any other knowledge can arise. It is in fact to this entity that the knowledge is arising. So when you become knowledgeable about something like some entity such as a star , your own thoughts or emotions etc ask yourself the question. Who is knowing this?. It is the only subject or consciousness which is independent of body and mind that is making this knowledge possible. In fact vedanta tells us that there is only this pure consciousness. Everything else is an illusion in the sense that it is a juggling show in which consciousness itself modifies to produce this world. So that is how everything works, There is pure consciousness, It now becomes molded into different shapes and forms which come and go and arises as appearances in consciousness itself!!!!. So there is nothing apart from consciousness the appearances and the background are all consciousness.

In his attempt to de-root the vasanas which are hindrances, Patanjali speaks about Pratipaksha Bhavanam. Essentially it is replacing negativity with positive laden emotional assertions. In buddhism there is a beautiful meditation called Metta meditation or Loving-Kindness meditation. This just involves some positive assertions while you sit in relaxed meditations . You say things to yourselves like

"May I be happy, may I be free of illness and injury.".

"May I appreciate what I have experienced. May I be kind to myself, may I let go of my regrets" .

"May all of them i know and i dont know be peaceful and happy."

This when repeated for a long time creates lot of positivism within us. We can even repeat it when we have time in between our activities. 

So essentially our spirituality consists of two essential parts. One is understanding the hindrances to the achievement of samadhi and to work towards removing them. Second part is to realize the supreme state by transcending ordinary experiences.